u/arkeketa123

I just watched a video of a perimenopausal woman absolutely going through it due to menopause symptoms. It made me think about how I get so down on myself for not having energy, getting angry, having wrinkles, and weight gain. I’m 36 and been going through “the change” since I was 24. I don’t think people realize how much our bodies endure during this time. It made me feel a bit less guilty to think about how somedays feel like an uphill battle! I hope you all are kind to yourselves today. ❤️

So my son had a random bout of diarrhea tonight. I internally freaked out because this doesn’t happen for him unless he’s got a stomach bug. He really hasn’t been many places so it would shock me but ya just never know with germs lol

Anyway, I called my mom just to see if he’d eaten something weird today. She immediately went into a spiral about all the foods he’s eaten, what he’s touched, who he’s been around, and if he ate chemicals or something. I didn’t go that far into the rabbit hole myself so it shocked me to hear her immediately go into checking mode. It made me realize that I may have learned some of these behaviors vicariously. As I was listening to her and came to this realization, I asked her if she would stop because it was triggering my emetophobia further and it wasn’t helpful for me to do that. She got a little upset and hung up. Well she showed up to my house like 30 minutes later to check on him, which I didn’t know she even came by until she calls and asks why I didn’t answer the door. I tell her she should have notified me if she was coming by and I don’t know why she would. She told me she was worried about my son. I don’t know why this upset me because her overreaction is so unhelpful for my anxiety. And then she went into overthinking/analyzing mode and told her she had to stop again.

It pains me to say that it’s possible my mom’s fear of illness is what kickstarted my own fears. Over the years, I’ve noticed she is very conscious of germs and illnesses. She didn’t leave her house for 70-something days during Covid because she thought it would float through the air or something in her country town.

If you made it this far, thank you for allowing me to rant and listening. I just needed to get it off my check because she irks me sometimes and sometimes I get upset knowing if she’d handled her own feelings, maybe mine wouldn’t have been so strong as a child.