u/arranged-one

I agree that I made a mistake in the past, but does that mean I need to live in that shadow forever?
I used to have a crush on a boy whom I met on the internet, let's call him M. But he never wanted a relationship because of his own beliefs so I thought. When I thought of moving on and having a relationship with another person, let's call him Z. I knew it was wrong and cheating but I was too naive at that time I also regretted my actions at that time but one day I texted M because I was going to his city for my work, and M who always denies, suddenly agreed to meet up. At this time, M and I are no longer in touch; I just texted him randomly. We met and he proposed to me and we got into a relationship. Before you judge me let me tell you clearly I was too blind in love with him at that time everyone knows how obsessed I was with him; I even traveled to his city to find him to see him in real life, so how could I deny his proposal at that time? Before I had asked him many times to be in a relationship he never agreed but never denied too and I thought this was the chance. I know I wanted to move on because of his lack of commitment. When I returned I was going to break up with Z but I had no courage because of my family. I saw him in my post and I was afraid to lose face with the relative so I let it be. After A month I realized I didn’t love M anymore but the feeling I used to have when we had conversations, that feeling no longer existed so I broke up with M and told Z everything because I felt guilty and relationships need trust and Z didn't break up with me at that time but after some months he did break up.
Well my sister and friends know how I was blindly in love with him they want me to be happy so they never protest or judge me for being in two relationships at once but they said to me I need to break up with Z but he was also the savior in my life's lowest. My brother-in-law also used to come by our home so many times so he knows about my relationship but it was all in the past right? Now I want to move on and have a new relationship, my boyfriend and I are happily in a living relationship but my brother-in-law is always telling him and his mother that I will leave him eventually should better save himself for his future leave me.
Does my one-time mistake in the past really need to affect my future relationship? My new boyfriend knew everything about my past and he reassured me he would never leave me just because my brother-in-law said so he also had feelings if I would ever leave him. I hate how my brother-in-law's words make him live in constant fear.
My brother-in-law and I have boundaries respectfully but why is he telling everyone I am not a good person and will leave or find a better boyfriend?
If I ever go past I would slap myself to remind myself that I was foolish for falling in love because I found out M had already had a girlfriend.

Last night, I had a dream where I met a guy. We didn’t date it was more like a contract type marriage. He had a sister who loved me, and his parents were also good to me. Even though we became husband and wife, he was physically distant from me, but he took good care of me and provided everything I wanted.
But honestly, I already have a boyfriend, and he wasn’t the one I saw in my dream. I have a feeling that we aren’t compatible for marriage.
I really wished this dream would come true.

I live with my boyfriend in a live-in relationship. His family knows about it, but mine doesn’t. We are planning to go abroad on a work visa. I told my boyfriend about my plan, and he agreed. But it’s been more than a month, and I’ve been talking to him about how we’re going to do it step by step, how we’ll take classes, do internships, and then apply. He asked me to wait a little longer so he could save more money. I first talked to him about this a month ago, and I told him several times that we should start from next month. He agreed at that time, but now he’s saying we need to wait another 4 to 5 months. But my main concern is my mother. She’s a single parent, and she wants me to build a stable future. She keeps asking me what my plan is, whether I want to apply for a student visa or go abroad on a work visa. We have problems when it comes to marriage, me and my boyfriend, so I want to go abroad so we can build a stable life in the future. My mom has already started losing patience because it’s been a long time, and I keep holding her back and rejecting the decisions she makes for me. At the same time, my boyfriend isn’t taking action, so I feel completely stuck. I also can’t ask my mother for money because I told her I wanted to live independently, and right now I don’t even have a job.
My boyfriend and I can’t get married right now because we live in a rented room, and his salary is daily-based. It’s enough for daily comfort, but not for long-term stability. We both don’t have our own house, and even our parents don’t. We both come from single-parent families.
I want him to understand my situation, and we are already in our 20s. It will be too late if we don’t take any action.
Another issue is that he thinks I’m impatient and want things to happen immediately. But I just want us to take one step at a time. Did i only planned our future as something to keep in mind.
But I can’t keep holding my mom back. If I go abroad, she will sponsor me, but her behavior is such that if I don’t act according to her plan, she won’t give me a single penny. My boyfriend’s family and I are basically strangers, so they won’t help me with that large amount of money.
Should I go for a student visa, as my mom suggested, or wait for my boyfriend because he wants us to go to the same country, In his mind, girls tend to betray in long-distance relationships.

I am 22, no sugarcoating, i am so lazy like if even lazy was real person that would call me lazy. I haven’t earned single penny till now because I always got failed in my interview multiple times I can’t even count even i got job without interview i got sick kind of where I can’t stand up or full body pain type or diarrhea type. I usually blame my luck i tried for nursing entrance i won’t say i failed i just didn’t get the seat because of few points. I tried for foreign countries too but i am too shy to talk in interviews i failed. Leave it i am feeling boring to write more bye