u/ashou0

I understand NVC in theory and really appreciate its principles, but I often struggle to apply it in certain real-life situations - especially when the other person seems indifferent or hostile.

Here’s a recent situation: The other day, I was walking around a lake. A teenager (around 16 - 18 years old, from a minority group) rode past me on his bike, a few meters off the path. He threw his empty can into the bushes, then stopped a little further ahead to check his phone. I was shocked. While I’m sadly used to people disrespecting nature, doing it so openly in public felt like a slap in the face.

Since he’d stopped, I walked over and said, “You shouldn’t throw things into nature like that.” He didn’t reply, but our eye contact spoke volumes. I felt intense anger toward him for harming the environment - something I deeply value. His look was pure defiance, as if to say, “I don’t owe you or society anything.”

I left the interaction feeling deeply unsatisfied. On one hand, I was proud of myself for speaking up (assertiveness isn’t my strong suit). But on the other, I sensed nothing positive came from it. If anything, it might have reinforced his belief that he’s free to do as he pleases, that society’s rules don’t apply to him. And that’s what frustrates me: What’s the point of saying anything in these situations? Whether it’s loud music on the bus, shouting on the phone in the tram, or littering - if the response is just defiance or indifference, does speaking up even help? Or does it just deepen the divide?

I thought about other ways I could have spoken up, but it just feels off to me. Like not something anyone would every say: "Sorry to bother you, but when I see litter here, it really makes me sad. This lake is a place where I come to recharge. Do you think you could pick it up?"

I’d love to hear how others might approach this with NVC. How do you connect with someone who seems to reject the idea of shared responsibility?