Can we talk about integrating our sexuality and erotic self?
My gender ambiguity and dysphoria very much live in these aspects of my personality. However, I too can not really place myself in the trans box, and the Western materialistic approach of "just change your body with massively invasive surgeries" never answered what I experience as a spiritual thing (being male brained / male spirited if you like). So technically, I guess I am repressing?
The hardest suffering for me is that I experience my sexuality as something impossible and being invisible to others. All while having a relatively high libido...so the matter is very present in my daily life. Bonus problems for liking reasonably attractive cis women with well cultivated feminine personalities (i.e. 99% of them are straight and have options). How are you guys navigating this? Repress this, too? Work on being happy with compromising your desires and standards? Can you re-condition yourself to enjoy a whole different audience, if you assume that a (visibly) queer / dyke / nonbinary crowd are more likely to like me back?
My sexual development, history and present are pretty sad and dire due to this. It´s hard to not feel like a failure in this regard. I´d like to evolve but have no idea what the steps are.
I am getting to the point where I think that a specific subset of dysphoric people stand a good chance to resolve this, and that would be: transitioning people who achieve a reasonable physical outcome, and who integrate well into an urban queer/genderqueer community and its social codes. I do have a hard time imagining everybody else with dysphoria or gender deviation to build a fulfilling erotic life - and that would probably even be the majority of us, or what?
What is everybody doing about this?