I know I'm a pretty lame person but geeze
so.. I've wasted the last 4 years of my life thinking my partner sorry now Ex partner.. at least cared about me..& we were important friends despite breaking up ..
We just moved into a new house together.. after us taking care of her senile stroke victim father for a year.. the shit I did for her & that disgusting man.. it was hell.. but I did it for Her..
The year B4 that.. I was by her side during her Open heart surgery.. took care of her. I believed in her through all of her diaphoretic meltdowns.. and autistic mood swings...
I literally cleaned up after her Daily. reminded her to shower. And brush her teeth.. supported each other thru hard times. She was my best friend. Even during my most depressing days.
All for her... to admit that she has zero respect for me. And is now fucking the ONLY new friend I've made in years... because the other 14 dudes aren't enough for her... Now that she's realized how much of a Pathetic Loser I am.
yes I have a drug dependency.. it's Shitty.. I've tried getting help.
I didn't have a job for a long time.. financial hardship. even though she gets disability checks.. and smokes weed all day. I still busy my ass for shit pay... because I've squandered any opportunities I had..
she's embarrassed by me .
she was only with me because I was convenient for her... And she felt bad for me..
now I'm living in the Sunroom... because I have no family.. no friends.. and she resents me. and purposely hurts me. and I take it.. I deserve it I suppose.. Im ment to be alone. I'm a fuck up with depression. That kils my sex drive.. and motivation. and I'm suicidal. no one wants to be with someone like that. I can't do anything right.