u/avoidant_unicorn

I posted a few days ago. My partner was going on a trip and I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the rejection feelings this has brought up for me in the past. No one responded, that's okay. I did my own research on soothing and how to sit with the discomfort and how to self-regulate in a healthy good way.

I know we're all shocked but, nothing worked. He is gone now. Hasn't texted in 24 hours. He is with friends in a remote location about to do a five day hike where he sleeps rough and no cell towers.

So I will ask all of you people, how would be the least hurtful way to end this relationship because I do not want to suffer like this for 3 weeks until he returns. I can see the patterns happening and I don't want to wait until I am having anxiety attacks at work scaring a bunch of suit wearing professionals and down 8 lbs so people are asking if I am sick just, no thanks. I won't last 3 weeks so pretending isn't even worth it.

Option 1: I can block him and just never deal with this again. This is what I did last time. I blocked him and unblocked when he got back in town and reached out and he replied but wasn't interested in meeting up. Smart man. Current man could have the same option.

PROS: You cannot beat the easiness of this. Also, he may suspect it is happening, but he cannot prove and therefore will be able to enjoy his vacation for the majority of his time.

CONS: ???? People think ghosting is mean ???? I guess??

Option 2: I could send him a very long text explaining my emotions. How insecure, and needy, and pathetic I am. How I believe he will cheat and leave me and even secretly think he SHOULD do those things because I'm unworthy.

PROS: He will now know THE TRUTH!!!

CONS: He will dump me once he knows the truth. He will also have to deal with the break up on his vacation with his buddies all around. I will feel like shit, this always feels like whipping myself to punish myself when I spill out all the ugly and the guy makes that "ugk" face and ends it.

Option 3: I could send him a vague break up. "Hey, You're on vacation, and I don't wanna sit here with any expectations, so I just need to end this here. No hard feelings. When you're back in town, we can talk and see if we even wanna reconnect then."

PROS: That's it right? That's the mature good thing to do? This will win me the prize?

CONS: This will absolutely fucking wreck his vacation. He will spiral and not understand what he did wrong and how did it go wrong. A vindictive part of me wants to choose this just to hurt him ya know. He hurt me by leaving, he deserves to have his vacation ruined. That's why I feel I really shouldn't do this.

Option 4: I could just let the detatchment happen naturally. He won't be texting much. So I will match the energy. No "I Miss you" or emotions. Just, cold, dead, how was your day, until he returns, when I do the "I'm glad you had a good trip, but I think we need to take a break."

PROS: This completely preserves his trip, and lets him have a wonderful time. It also is a mature good way to handle a break up, clear and direct. It gives everyone time - breaking up from someone you haven't seen in a month hits way easier.

CONS: When I have dumped someone in my brain, but not in person yet, I tend to be already moving on and I would wanna be going on dates this month not taking a whole month off just to give him the respectful breakup where I can say I didn't cheat. So it feels like cheating. And makes me feel bad. I'd rather be honest and end it earlier. But ruins his trip.

So what do you guys think. If you were being discarded, unexpectedly, while on a trip. How would you wanna know?

I am afraid I am encountering an avoidant pattern I have already lived once this year. I want advice on how people can actually handle this anxiety sickness. I have been casually dating only looking for FWBs for about a year. In February, my FWB of 4 months was leaving for a month long vacation and confessed feelings and a desire to be an exclusive couple. As soon as he left my sight, the anxiety started like I have never experienced since my divorce - and it never stopped building until I boiled over - ended it while he was gone and blocked him. I felt instant relief.

I started dating someone new and it's been 4+ months. The main difference between the two is that the current person I could see myself actually being compatible with. Well, he’s leaving this weekend for 3 weeks, and guess what. We had the “what are we” and he said he wants to be with me. I felt absolute happiness and hope but the closer the departure date...

The symptoms are already starting. Pure anxiety about him leaving and me missing him too much. Last time I couldn’t stop ruminating to the point where nothing could distract me. I wasn’t present in my life, work was suffering, I couldn’t eat anything, for 2 weeks I lost weight and 8 lbs on my small frame - coworkers were asking. It was humiliating. I would panic and become too needy and reach out with novels and when he didn’t answer I felt rejection like a physical pain in my body. I was so ashamed at how weak I was being. I would send a mean text trying to start a fight, anything for him to reply. The alternative to sending bad texts, is that I cannot think of a single neutral thing to type so the anxiety comes across as ghosting or being cold and disinterested with a generic bot text “morning hope you have day!” which I send and then don’t check in again all day because I’m too scared that he didn’t reply and then I will spiral.

I don’t want to break up with him due to this vacation. But it feels inevitable. How do you guys handle this? Am I cooked chat?