u/awebabe

Hi, I'm done with my first read but not as comprehensive as I hoped it would be. Ni-skim ko lang yung iba. Now, with only 19 days left, I'm trying my best to read my RC pre-week mats and bedan. Wala akong maintindihan. Ewan ko, kapag binabasa ko parang wlssksgsksgjshs yung naririnig ng utak ko.

So, I'm thinking na maybe I'd just use my remaining days to watch lectures and go back to my main materials. Feel ko nalilito ako lalo sa pre-week materials na meron ako. I'm freaking out. Literal na di ko gets binabasa ko.

Any advice po?

I don't know why when I read, it feels like what I just read evaporates a few seconds later. I'm really blanking out. When I think of a freaking basic concept that I already know, I can't explain it. It's like I can't think of anything and the Bar is less than 30 days now.

It's not helping that I haven't even started on comm and rem. The first 4 were barely done and it's like I've got amnesia, I can't remember anything. This is also my first reading as a working student since I just had leave last July.

It's also my fault for trying to get into the Divina's without considering how slow of a reader I am. To make it worse, today I just watched a single lecture video, watched two movies, slept, and cleaned my entire place because I can't breathe.

My only prayer is if God wants me to become a lawyer, please let it happen this time. I promise to do well. I don't want to experience this anymore.

I've been reviewing for the past two weeks, and I haven't finished a single bar subject. It's tough. I think I'm doing it wrong, I'm reminded again of this question: “To be or not to be?” To be a lawyer or not to be a lawyer? But why do I want to be a lawyer again?

It's funny because when I entered law school, I could easily answer why I wanted to be a lawyer. I want to be rich. But then life happened and reality awakened me, it will only happen if I am either rich (they get richer) or excellent.

I'm neither.

So, you see, there is a change of plan. I just wanted to be a good lawyer. A lot of lawyers are excellent; a lot of them are dumb, too, but only a few are good. Good—not in litigation, but to quote the cringiest (yet our pride) statement of MU 2015: “with a heart.”

I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I'm just frustrated with Divina's Civil Law Reviewer because it's too long and I'm still in Usufruct and I have to be done by Tuesday or because I know I can't be an excellent, so I'm settling to be a good one.

But to go back to my hook, to be or not be? I asked myself why I wanted to be a lawyer. As cliché as it may seem, the only answer I have is that I want to be a good one. I can't think of anything on a deeper level.

I don't know if I am making any sense. In law school, we are taught to reason well, I don't have any other excellent reason besides that I wanted to be able to at least be a reason that someone is heard, that someone is taken seriously, and that someone's right is respected.

It's weird because I went to law school to become rich and now, I suddenly just want to be a vessel. So, to be or not to be? I guess, it's "to be." I can't be way for someone if I don't pave my way, right?

Ps. This is me motivating myself I guess.