u/babysprites

It’s embarrassing as I should’ve known better, but I really was just caught in the daze of 1. This being my first time traveling with friends 2. My friends wedding from earlier this week 3. Just having an amazing time with the friend I traveled with in the past 2 weeks.

My first mistake was that I did not check my purse before I went out. I forgot I had… $500… in cash tips in my little pocket. Why didn’t I take this out of my purse before I went out? It really boggles my mind.

Second mistake is that we were walking (to get food as my friend was not feeling well) and the street was completely empty. I had an intuitive feeling that something was off but I did not listen, clearly. It was very late (early?) so I assumed that’s just how it was at that time I guess. I also didn’t realize we were so close to the train station. Yes, I was drunk.

We’ve been staying out late in Perugia and Florence and felt pretty safe. I don’t know why we assumed the same for Rome.

My friend was walking slightly ahead of me, let’s say we were going north. Two guys are walking to the side, going south. This was Via Gioberti, right around the corner from McDonald’s. They pass her. My guard was down, honestly. I could’ve been way more guarded but I was in lala land, it seems. As soon as they pass her, one of them snatched my purse, turned around to face us again and then ran. His friend just sat there and watched.

We tried to chase him. The police spoke to us a little. A garbage man told us that we were in a very dangerous place, we were lucky to have our lives, and that we should leave. So we did. The cops told us to go to the station but we were not about to walk by ourselves so we just went home.

I filed a police report today. Most of them were helpful but some were weird and pretty much laughing in our faces. I’m sure it’s funny to them. I’m sure I’ll laugh about it one day too.

Honestly I’m mostly upset about my wallet. It was filled with small sentimental items I’ve collected over the years. The $500 is money I can make back.

I’m just glad that I’m okay, that it wasn’t worse. I have my passport and my ID and my phone thankfully. Pretty sure he wanted my phone too as he paused after he snatched my purse…

I can’t stop replaying that moment in my head though. And I honestly keep feeling the sensation of having something personal to me snatched from me. It felt very violating.

Despite this I seemed to keep my composure for the most part. Canceled my cards. Got a new purse. What am I going to do? I could’ve been much smarter about that, yes. Lesson learned.

I am posting this just in case anyone is oblivious to how dangerous this area is at that time. Don’t have your head in the clouds like me.

We were together for almost 10 years (ages 16-25 for me) and lived together for 2 years, until I reached my lowest low, and the relationship, already under strain, did not survive. I still don’t understand why I acted in the way that I did, and I’m not sure that I will ever forgive myself. I tried my best to grow since the break up, to show that I’ve changed and healed, but it was too late.

At the time, I wanted to escape even the relationship, which before we lived together, was my escape from life. It became sort of a cocoon. He was the light of my life and a sort of psychological container for me. He saw me and mirrored me and was the only person I felt completely safe with.

He moved a few states away after we broke up. It’s been 2.5 years since the break up, and I’m still processing it. It was too painful to process all at once. Despite my mistakes, he said he wanted me in his life still because he adores me as a person and my personality. We maintained some level of connection in these 2.5 years, sending each other music or memes. FaceTiming here and there. I feel like I’ve essentially watched him detach from me in real time, which felt like slow torture.

I arrived at this level of awareness a little too late. The relationship is done yet I am still holding onto it. He has a girlfriend now. My ego is completely flaring up over it. At first, I felt like I was detaching from him too when he told me this. But it seems my ego has only clung harder as time has passed. I can hold two realities at once, that I am in pain, but I also want him to be happy. I respect their relationship and have kept my feelings to myself.

That’s what’s also so painful about all of this. The one person I never had to mask for, I can now only interact with while masking.

The connection just exists digitally now, and we rarely talk. I feel erased. It’s difficult to have a casual connection with someone who once knew you deeply. It makes me genuinely feel insane, like I’m in a bad dream. I feel like I’m drowning.

I have the impulse to completely cut it off, but something is stopping me. I can’t fully let him go. I want to be mature. I still care about him as a person too. I don’t want to sever the bond and act like it never existed, which is what it seems my mind wants to do. I’m trying to see this impulse as a reflection of my own life, that I need to get busy and meet new people and so on. But I feel so depressed. And I really can’t connect with anyone on the same level.

I think I’m just going to completely back off from him now, but with him still on my friends list, my immature brain still tortures me with glimpses of hope and fantasy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel so lame and childish.