u/badassbisexualbitch

Opening scene, horrific flesh robots, I must be summoned to that ship by a villain to take up a villainous position!

…..Wait, they’re called servitors and everyone does this?

Okay so I saved some crew and ended up being a little late to get to my cousin Edelthrad what’s the worst that could happen?

OKAY THEN. Sorry Eddie.

Abelard seems like a nice enough guy, if a little strict, finally someone normal.

What the hell do you think you’re doing to the belowdecks people my guy this will cease at ONCE.

All right, nobody is normal, expect the unexpected, at least I’m going to try to treat the civilians with respect they’re not seeming to get-

STOP. FORMING. STUPID. CULTS. WHY.

At least going through the warp is relatively normal if we have a good navigator, some of the routes are different colors though-

Why do I keep getting jumped by sentient biohazard warnings that would make the WHO crap their pants, everyone on this ship is going to learn how to WASH THEIR HANDS and I will personally supervise this endeavor.

Great game, in what I believe is the second act (not sure tbh I was told there were five acts and I’m not looking up spoilers so I THINK it’s two), fully expecting more insanity to come but somehow I think I’m still going to end up surprised.

Hi all, it's me, the archives professional that was so horrified by ep 10 that I had to make a professional rant. It's linked here for context: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheMagnusArchives/comments/1v92nis/professional_rant_incoming/

So a lot of you in that wanted my opinion on the episodes as I continued. Quite more than I expected in fact. Ask and ye shall receive!

(Disclaimer: this will only be for season one, this took a lot more out of me than i expected lol, enjoy)

My musings will be abbreviated for each episode, as my full thoughts for each would likely be paragraph after paragraph of screaming about DACS standards and preservation techniques and JANE PRENTISS I WILL KILL YOU FOR RUINING ALL OF THOSE FILES WITH YOUR STUPID MOUTH OOZE DO YOU HEAR ME-

Anyway. Here we go!

Anglerfish: furious ranting about jon being unqualified and biased after hearing the part before the statement begins, also drunk man apparently has more common sense than most horror movie protags, ranting increases after hearing about his creation of a "discredited" section, those people listed as missing are SO gonna show up later

Do Not Open: WHY WOULD YOU ACCEPT A MYSTERY BOX, but i will admit what joshua did after was very smart, that mystery man is either dead or worse, breekon and hope sound like they're trouble and i don't think we've seen the last of that coffin either

Across The Street: amy that is stalking wtf, yay lgbtq rep, oh no my lgbtq rep, WELL THAT'S A CHEKOV'S GUN IF I EVER SAW ONE, also similar long thin arm mention like the thing in ep. 1, are they related, that table is up to something

Page Turner: from my high school latin daniel's translation seems to be correct, sounds related to the more common phrase altiora peto which translates to "seek higher things", not sure if there's a connection there, grbookworm definitely sounds like gertrude, mary and gerard keay sound important, WTF HOW IS SHE ALIVE, they apparently know jurgen and don't like him at the institute, what is that 1994 "incident"

Thrown Away: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT ALAN, why was alan reported missing a full year later that's suspicious, i want to know how they were all the same tooth, is there some sort of luring capacity to whatever is making these events happen because some of the people's behaviors in these statements are....questionable

Squirm: no no something is inside her now from the woman she's scratching too much like how people scratch when they have parasites or a mosquito bite, god this poor girl, WHY DID YOU HAVE SEX WHEN SHE WAS HAVING THOSE SYMPTOMS, jon if you et cetera something like this again i'm reaching through the screen to slap you, what do you mean no evidence of arson he claims he set it, oh fuck the ECDC is bad news, who is this jane prentiss character, i don't love that hodge is unaccounted for TWO YEARS ON

The Piper: OH HI WILFRED OWEN, why did that hurt even though i know he gets shot, joseph rayner is apparently a name jon knows, i wonder if wilfred made a bargain with that thing for not only his life but clarence's, because his survival throughout the whole war seems miraculous

Burned Out: WAIT THE BOX FITS IN THE HOLE, raymond and agnes seem spooky, how the f is fielding alive, what do you mean bones in the hands

A Father's Love: poor julia, i keep seeing eye imagery show up, the name rayner from the piper is here again, the brackish water ain't normal, people's church of the divine host is apparently how rayner is involved, the blown lights means whatever attempted to kill julia is what got robert in jail, and likely whatever got julia's mom, robert killing things to keep it away maybe, sounds like he's working with the people's church

Vampire Killer: no way in hell is trevor dead, way too convenient, vampires being flammable makes a lot of sense actually, i'm concerned that the original statement and the teeth have been requisitioned by law enforcement and govt contractors

Dreamer: IS HE THE EX OF GRAHAM FROM EP 3, okay the odds of gertrude being murdered just shot up, blake is a fake name apparently, who is rosie?

First Aid: leather coat oh that is gerard 100 percent, more eye imagery, asag is a sumerian demon uh oh, so gerard and this lightless flame guy do not like each other, where is the book and the pendant, WHY DID THE GUY SELF-CREMATE, no way is gerard dead from a brain tumor of all things, that eye at the end jumpscared me, but if mary keay was dead by this point who got gerard from the hospital is my question

Alone: god i want to hug naomi, i like the live statement though, JON WTF, this family sounds like they'll show up again

Piecemeal: this man in the statement is making so many bad decisions my god, this is why it was so easy to frame you you have NO patience, also don't piss off old ladies that can murder i thought that was common sense, why do i feel like salesa is a bigger player than he lets on

Lost Johns' Cave: no no no thank you i don't want to do something like that ever, I KNEW IT WOULD END BADLY, also why the hell would you do that to your sister, you didn't even try to help her you just offered her up, that is your SISTER, and i like that the statement is made by an unreliable narrator i will keep that in mind

Arachnophobia: if major tom dies i am quitting this podcast, WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN SMALL SILVERY WORMS, that has jane prentiss written all over it (or one of her infectees), this man is a terrible cat owner and i am mad on major tom's behalf, because why do you make your cat fight the evil spider, yes yes good major tom killing paranormal spiders is not in your job description go find a nicer family, YES THE CAT LIVED, what do you MEAN his body being encased in web is natural are you dumb or just in denial

The Boneturner's Tale: i do not remember this part of the canterbury tales, WAIT WASN'T MICHAEL CREW MENTIONED IN EP 4 as the boy who got struck by lightning, wait the lukases fund the institute wtf, and stomach problems with martin sounds suspicious, leitner books apparently cause nothing but problems, i feel so bad for adekoya man he just wanted to make sure his coworker was safe from the book and he got killed by his bully for it, jared needs to get what’s coming to him and i mean that very sincerely

The Man Upstairs: why are you calling a woman a spinster sir that’s rude, why are you LETTING HIM HAMMER i would have called the building supervisor SO fast, if he owns the flat outright then go TALK to the guy, OH EW, dunno how it works in the uk but if they do welfare checks that would have been more than enough for me to call one in because having to throw out the jacket? hello??? YOU LET THIS GO ON FOR TWO YEARS? do you not have the SLIGHTEST concern for your fellow man my guy, EW EW EW, why is it blinking, god i feel so bad for toby that nobody even bothered to see if he was okay and he died alone and horribly, wait why is martin STILL off sick

Confession: oh hello father, wait this is the guy from ep 8, poor bethany, oh it’s the same nurse! WAIT WHAT

Desecrated Host: OH NO, that’s not your friend edwin, that is NOT mass, oh i hate this i hate this, i keep seeing different themes in these statements and i wonder if that's a coincidence or not, wait the scripture he's reading , mark 9 verses 14-19, is jesus healing a boy possessed by an impure spirit, i think edwin was set up, BREEKON AND HOPE????

Freefall: oh i feel so bad for this mom, the fairchilds seem like a recurring name, and more themes of vertigo like in page turner, MARTIN????

Colony: so i was right that the "off sick" excuse really sounded like an excuse, oh no no no martin why are you going to vittery's place that had the silver worms, it's really mind-boggling how much casual crime goes on in this podcast, like this is at least the fifth case of breaking and entering that they've just admitted to on tape, THE CAT IS STILL ALIVE THANK GOD, martin absolutely has a crush on jon and if that's not the case i will eat my hat, THIRTEEN DAYS???? also aww martin staying in the archives, something wants to murder jon that's new

Schwartzwald: i feel so bad for the kid wilhelm, parents die, you almost die of illness, your adopted family leave unexpectedly and then you're accused of murder? WAIT THE KEAYS ARE RELATED TO VON CLOSEN

Strange Music: nope nope nope, honestly i can't find it in me to have sympathy for josh tbh, wait a minute minsk would NOT have been in russia because that's the capital of belarus, and in 1948 russia was the USSR, WHY DO THEY HAVE THE ORGAN i do not fucking trust elias

Growing Dark: this is a cult, wait the eye imagery was related to people's church of the divine host wasn't it, wait a sec if they're saying ny-alesund that's the most north settlement in the world and night can last for months

A Distortion: have i mentioned how much i love sasha, i don't trust this michael character, HOW DOES HE KNOW THE GANG'S NAMES, so now we know that co2 gas works on them, fuck i had a feeling hodge would be an infectee but this is ew, nothing better happen to sasha i stg

A Sturdy Lock: paul i feel for you man i really do, he reminds me of my grandpa, no way he died of a stroke that death was not natural

Skintight: JON BE NICE TO MELANIE, melanie seems cool, wait sarah baldwin was one of the people reported missing in anglerfish, silk will not stitch the butcher's meat seems important, are these statement themes fighting with each other somehow? like michael seemed different from jane and saved sasha from getting infected by jane, another tall pointing figure makes me wonder if it's the same one from anglerfish

Cheating Death: hello hundreds of folklore references nice to meet you, THAT IS SOME SUPER SPECIFIC WORDING FROM DEATH HUH, now i kind of want to learn to play faro it sounds fun, NO WHY DID YOU CHEAT HIM, no he did not say if you won you would live he said if you won you would not die always keep an eye on the specifics when dealing with immortal entities my guy, DID HE JUST CUT OFF HIS FINGER, pretty convienient that law died huh, i call bullshit that wasn't a natural death for her

Killing Floor: by some miracle i am not a vegetarian after reading this, but the casual cruelty the statement giver displays towards the animals, "work out on a bit of pig flesh", my guy you need therapy, so the building is just weird huh, tom haan creeped me out

First Hunt: first mention of my home state in this podcast and it puts werewolves on my favorite ever trail to hike, god damnit, his comment about someday projects really struck a chord with me though, i think i'm going to pull the trigger on some of mine, pun NOT intended, crabtree falls is in a county near charlottesville va if anyone's wondering, i admit i started whistling the song when it was mentioned and it turned into more of a squeak when the monster showed up, i feel slightly offended that jon won't investigate further the only statement so far that's in my state lol, oh god more worms

Hive: poor jane my god, the bit about drinking wine in the park when it was sunny actually made me cry, wait wait is oliver the guy who gave the statement about seeing peoples' deaths? he mentioned working at a crystal shop, i do feel a little offended about her saying useless ink and dying letters though, nolan's death is not normal, wait why does jon say he knows this statement is true something is up

Boatswain's Call: JON BE NICE TO TIM, you go girl punch the sexists i'll help, okay so it's just straight human sacrifice then, but what are they sacrificing him TO, wasn't it mentioned that the lukases fund the institute, HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN SACRIFICING PEOPLE, because the people on board seem downright used to it, ELIAS BITCHARD AN ARCHIVE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IMPARTIAL IF YOU JUST GO EH WHATEVER LETS IGNORE IT WHEN A CASE COULD IMPACT YOUR FUNDING THAT'S A FUNDAMENTAL BETRAYAL OF THE MISSION OF AN ARCHIVE-

Anatomy Class: wait a second those are all placeholder names, look they're not hurting anyone i think you could be a little nicer to them, wow i did not know you could fuck up a heartbeat that bad oh my god, okay remember how i said they weren't hurting anyone? i take it back, i love the implication that the professor would have eaten the apple if he'd cut it open and it looked fine, so the other suicide implies there's more of them out there too

Old Passages: YES FINALLY A HISTORIC PRESERVATION GUY, hi gerard getting some light trespassing in i see, so jurgen leitner is weird i could have seen that coming, wait this is where leitner wanted them to dig isn't it, wait isn't that the same book mary keay has in ep 4 that gerard takes, because i see the bones, ALF NO, smirke seems important, wait wait wait those are breekon and hope i can feel it, why did they tell martin to stay safe, them not wanting to be recorded and having a package for jon raises my hackles

Taken Ill: oh i knew when the statement mentioned a nursing home this was gonna be bad, i hate being right, the sexual escapade thing is true i remember seeing a thing about the villages in florida having some insane number of STDs, amherst is freaking me out, i feel so bad for mr. miller, ALENKA NO, waitaminute is the old guy trevor? it makes me sick how amherst made a staff specifically of undocumented people so nobody would know about what he did to them, if he didn't die in the fire i want him DEAD, WAIT THE LIGHTER FITS IN THE TABLE OH NO

Burnt Offering: why do i feel like the phrase we're not in the business of destroying knowledge is foreshadowing, although martin and elias agreeing on the same thing is worth noting, GO TO SLEEP JON JFC, i want an ecologist job, he's right pine martens are adorable, if there are no animal noises you need to leave that's nature lesson no. 1 if no animal sounds can be heard something is very wrong, noooo not the animals, WAIT IS THAT WOMAN GERTRUDE, why oh why did you touch the stupid bottle, this man is so dumb, oh thank god the boy lived, some sort of sacrifice by the dad? wait it is gertrude i don't like that i was right

Lost and Found: why is this the thing i hate more than diseased corpses or actual murder, salesa is definitely involved in SOMETHING, he was in piecemeal, yay more lgbtq rep, WHY ARE THERE HANDS, so the vase is homophobic, rude, why did jon try to kill a spider specifically, INSERT LOUD, VIGOROUS AND CREATIVE SWEARING HERE

Infestation: both in this episode and the prior one the VAs are absolutely killing it, martin's corkscrew preparation saved the day everybody say thank you martin, jon is right i can see something deeper in the statements as well, sasha is so brave but now i am so worried for her, joe spooky fucking killed me, oh thank god sasha made it out, i am worried for jon now, why did he say losing himself specifically, PRENTISS STOP MESSING WITH THE BOXES I WILL KILL YOU, HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR ARCHIVAL INTEGRITY, why does martin say he feels trapped, so that entire conversation between sasha and elias was suspicious as fuck, HERE COMES TIM TO SAVE THE DAY, so remember that chekov's gun i mentioned way back in across the street, well, um, i really hate being right, and now my favorite character is dead because i heard the voice come back in after the distortion hit the tape and that is NOT sasha's voice, wrong cadence even if the tone and accent are right, that is NOT her, fuck fuck fuck, PRENTISS DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE HURT THEM-

Human Remains: no way prentiss is dead especially if it's elias saying it, wait why was sasha's tape lost, i don't buy that he didn't know how to work the system he waited, but for what? oh god gertrude's body oh no, tim attempting to hit prentiss is quite in character, what do you MEAN there was a worm door tim, tim would survive a horror movie, i think elias knows this isn't sasha, wait a sec ramao's statement has original sasha's voice on it from when the worms burst in, this thing is trying to cover up the evidence, i want to try mint imperials now, so gertrude was murdered by a human it looks like was not expecting that, those other two tapes jon mentions at the end are the only other two with sasha's original voice on them, her calliope comment and her statement about michael, i feel sick, why did it have to be my favorite, and nobody knows or even suspects except the guy i trust about as far as i could throw him

TLDR: 10/10 podcast, now i cannot turn off my brain about it, send help

Just started TMA, am on Ep 10, but as an archival professional I cannot hold this rant back any longer.

Johnathan Sims is ticking me off for several very specific reasons.

-You don’t disparage the people helping you. Martin seems to get the worst of it but he doesn’t seem particularly warm towards Tim and Sasha either. Besides the fact that it’s rude, it’s also counterproductive to archival development. Being rude to the researchers means they’re less likely to tell you things means everything is going to take a lot longer.

-There appears to have been no attempt to find clues to Gertrude Robinson’s organizational system. Archives are not all the same, and something that appears to be a mess to someone can appear perfectly organized to another. Does Gertrude have a finding aid? Research notes? A label key? We don’t know. Instead Johnathan just calls it a mess and moves on to taking statements. If that’s going to take as much time as you say you can spare a couple weeks searching for clues first! Does Gertrude have family? Former colleagues? Does Elias know about her system? Is there anyone Johnathan could speak to about the former archivist and her organizational system? Again, we don’t know! Calling it now, that’s going to bite him in the ass later.

-He’s letting his biases cloud his judgement. In Ep 1 he mentions a new “Discredited” section of the archive he’s created that he suspects will house a majority of the files. You work at a paranormal institute. You can’t just say that you’re so inclined to discredit statements that you’ve made an entirely new category for that purpose without even knowing if you’ll need it! It’s possible that Gertrude already has one but you’ve also already written it off as a mess without trying to find more information on her organizational system! And you are an archivist! Your job is not to pass judgement on the files, your job is to preserve them! Personal feelings do not and should not factor into it!

Okay, rant over. It’s possible I’m being too hasty to judge him. But he’s doing almost everything I was told by others in my field not to do and I’m not happy with him.