i had an experience n idk how to feel about it
to make this as short as possible and quick to the point. last night me (F20) and my bf (M21) were having some july 4th fun. during these acts he has a habit of putting his thumb in my…well. Which was cool, I liked that during our time together. The music was particularly loud and he asked if i wanted to try anal, which i haven’t and is scared of a bit. I replied to him along the lines of “youre fucking hilarious hell no.” and was caught up the moment and said that he was too large to do that without me preparing myself for that etc. the music drowned me out a bit. he took out his thumb and tried it. and i honestly dont know why i froze. then yelled it hurts it hurts and he immediately stopped and cut off the music to see to me. and i didnt moved and i laid there and cried and he held me apologizing profusely for it. after i got up he was crying himself. i noticed i cant look at him for too long when hes trying to speak to me. he took care of me the rest of the night and gave me space when needed until he left for work. we spoke about what happened a few times and ran into the same split opinion. i dont know if i was sa’d or if it was a mistake. i do believe it wasnt his intentions. i love him still i just hate how this experience created this emotional distance between us now. sometimes i keep crying about it and it annoys me. i never had anything happen like this before so im sorry if this sounds like a dumb read. thanks for making it to the bottom.