Help Navigating Intimacy After FtM Phalloplasty *potential trigger warning/nsfw*
Sorry in advance for the long post!
My husband had radial forearm phalloplasty back in June, and while he's been cleared for all intimacy aside from penetration, we have both been struggling navigating the new dynamic (i have never been with someone of male orientation intimately, and hes trying to figure out where he feels and what he feels physically). Since it has only been four months, he still doesnt have all sensation and he doesnt get his testicular implants until December or the pump to make it functional until sometime next year. However, he still has a strong desire for intimacy, even though he cant reach any kind of *peak* due to lack of complete sensation, and I completely understand wanting to use, explore, test out new things. But I am struggling with feeling slightly devasted at the loss of everything I knew and was comfortable with and knew how to navigate. I approach intimacy with him now and have been struggling with panic attacks because I simply don't know what feels good for him and devastation because (even though I am 100% aware its just because of lack of sensation and not lack of effort) I try and fail at getting him anywhere satisfactory. He doesnt mind and just wants to keep trying, but its so hard to approach intimacy with an open mind, knowing I'm most likely going to fail. I love him with everything and am 1000% supportive and have been present since before he ever even started talking about transitioning. I have loved him as a she, they, and he. It doesnt help that my intimate brain only works about one day a month, so its a constant struggle to do anything at all, but now its even more difficult and I'm at a loss of what to do and how to navigate this. I know its a learning process, I know I need to be patient, I know hes still figuring stuff out and I am too, I know adjusting to a new body part will take time, but does anyone have any advice or anything that has helped or has anyone else struggled with this and know where Im at right now or how to help?