u/beauty_ishername

Would it be wrong to reschedule my wedding after already sending digital save the dates?

There has been so much family drama happening lately. One of my siblings is struggling with addiction and has been threatening multiple people, including me and my fiance. My mom enables him and gets upset with everyone when we set boundaries or refuse to help them financially (they are codependent on each other). It has been a lot emotionally, and honestly, this just doesn’t feel like a happy time for me. Myself and my fiance even helped my sibling get to rehab only for my mom to help him out.

My fiance wants to keep our original date, and part of me feels bad about changing it because we already sent the digital save the dates. I also know it would be some work to contact all of our vendors and guests.

But another part of me feels like postponing might give me a chance to breathe and actually enjoy being engaged and planning our wedding instead of just trying to push through everything. I can cancel out the noise. Right now, I feel like I can’t catch a break.

Our venue said we can move the date without a rescheduling fee. Has anyone postponed their wedding because there was too much going on personally or within the family? Did you feel relieved afterward, or did rescheduling make things more stressful? We’re people mad at you?

My friends are my chosen family. I don’t have a huge friend group and I’m only close to a few members of my actual family, so my friendships mean a lot to me. I’ve always wanted a wedding, and a huge part of that was having my friends there to experience it with me.

I don’t even have a traditional bridal party. I have a small bridal crew, and really the only thing I’ve asked is for them to get dressed with me. No bachelorette, no trips, no huge expectations.

But lately I keep losing friends, and it honestly makes me want to cancel the wedding and elope.
The first friendship was part of a trio. After recovering from a major surgery, an open myomectomy, I invited them to an event at my wedding venue. We had agreed I would wear white. One friend showed up completely in white. Outfit, shoes, gloves, glasses, scarf, and even a white hat with a veil.

I didn’t make a scene. I simply asked that moving forward, at bridal events where we agreed I would wear white, she not do that. She told me she doesn’t have to center anyone and that she’s too old for that. That friendship ended, and eventually the other friend in our trio stopped talking to me too. I guess they were closer than I realized.
Now I feel like I’m losing someone I genuinely considered a sister.

For months I’ve been trying to talk to her. She rarely answers, tells me we’ll talk and then doesn’t, and for my birthday I got a “happy belated birthday” text. That alone wouldn’t end a friendship for me, but with everything else, I knew something had changed.
Part of why I’ve been concerned is that last year she met this random couple and since then she honestly seems like a different person. It’s not that I have an issue with her making new friends. It’s the behavior surrounding the situation that has made me question what’s going on. I’ve watched her chase their attention and practically beg them to talk to her, while I can barely get her to answer my calls. When I ask questions because I’m concerned, I’m told I’m in her business. Meanwhile, she tells me she’s found more “community” with them and talks to them every day.

Then recently she told me she needed around $3,000.

I told her I didn’t have that kind of money to give her, but I would see what I could do. I was seriously considering asking my fiancé if he would be comfortable dipping into his savings to help.
So I asked her what was going on.

She told me that just because she was asking for money didn’t mean she had to tell me her business. She told me to focus on my fiancé, said we were never sisters, that our friendship had no depth, and that she had given our relationship too much credit.
And I’m sitting there like…what?

I wasn’t asking questions because I thought money entitled me to her business. I had been trying to talk to her long before she asked for money because I was worried about her. I was trying to understand what was happening and whether there was another way I could help.

But after that conversation, absolutely not. I’m not asking my fiancé to dip into his savings.
And honestly, the money isn’t even what hurts.
What I don’t understand is having such rigid boundaries around what your friends can know, what they can ask, and what you’re willing to talk about, while still expecting them to support you on your terms, including potentially giving you thousands of dollars.

I don’t understand how me calling, checking on you and asking what’s going on becomes me not minding my business, but I’m still supposed to somehow know when and how you need me.

You’re telling me we were never sisters and our friendship has no depth, but you called me your sister. You were helping me with my bridal shower. Your mom considers me a daughter. I literally flew out to be there for your birthday. Meanwhile, I got a belated birthday text and can barely get you on the phone.

And then I hear about how much “community” you have with people you recently met, and part of me can’t help but think: are those same people scrambling trying to figure out how to help you come up with $3,000?

Maybe we just have completely different definitions of friendship.

To me, being close friends, especially calling each other sisters, means communication, checking on each other, showing up and actually allowing each other to care. It doesn’t mean I’m entitled to every detail of your life. But I also don’t understand treating my concern like an intrusion while expecting me to show up when you need something.
Maybe I misunderstood what these friendships meant to other people. But I know what they meant to me.

And that’s why I’m questioning the wedding.
A huge part of why I wanted a wedding instead of eloping was because I wanted to look around on that day and see my people. I wanted my friends there while I got dressed, when I got married and when we celebrated. I wasn’t asking anyone to spend thousands of dollars, plan a bachelorette, throw me parties or make my wedding their entire life.
I just wanted my chosen family there.

Now I keep losing people I genuinely pictured standing beside me, and I’m exhausted. Part of me just wants to cancel everything and elope.
I think that’s what I’m actually grieving. Not just losing the friendships, but losing the people I thought would be part of some of the biggest moments of my life.