u/beedappou

Me (19F) & my boyfriend (27M) have been dating for over a year now, we met while working a food service job. Of course, things were good at first, especially after we both got new jobs. However as we got deeper into our relationship and ran into life issues I saw his addiction to alcohol grow. Anytime he is upset, stressed, irritated, or even has a little free time he will drink.

During this we started to argue more, and he started behaving differently during it. He would get more aggressive, scream at me, etc but we always would have the same heart to heart and things would be good for a week now we’re back in the same spot.

But lately, he’s went too far when we argue. He’ll shout at me in front of his family, openly argue loudly, etc. And of course he goes to his family about every argument we have, but never includes his part as well. Last night we got into an argument, and it escalated way more than it should have. Once again he started screaming at me in front of multiple family members and continued to do so. He started yelling at me, calling me names like ‘ugly,’ ‘dumb bitch,’ and ‘hoe,’ and he was getting in my face and even grabbing me while we were arguing. At one point he said ‘shut up before I do something,’ which honestly felt like a threat. I never once called him out of his name but he compared my behavior (wanting to go home late on 4th july) to his and said it was the same thing.

He always tries to justify it by bringing up things I’ve done in the past or saying ‘you’ve said worse,’ but I’ve never called him out his name or disrespected him to that level. He also took a lot of digs at my past and used it to try to degrade me, literally making things up. He never seems to remember what exactly is said during these arguments. Or what he did. He still swears up and down he’s never grabbed me or physically tried to block me from leaving his house.

After everything, the only apology I got was a text saying ‘fuck I’m sorry,’ with no real explanation or accountability. It just felt empty, especially after how far he went. Now I feel like I see him completely differently, like this is how he really sees me deep down, and I don’t think he’s going to change because this is a pattern. Like yeah you’re sorry, you were sorry all the other times before too …

I just don’t know if it is possible for him to really change. I’m not exactly sure what i should do, yes we have great moments in our relationship, and he is only like this when he is drinking, but last night he was sober. A part of me feels like i’d be “doing too much” by leaving because he didn’t actually hit me. I’m just not sure how i should handle this, if i should get someone else involved or what?

I am a first year 19F two year old teacher, with a ratio ranging between 1:6 to 1:9.

First things first, this specific class hasn’t had a set teacher in months. The last teacher they had rarely showed up and when she did it was basically a free for all, no routine and no structure. My current co teacher even chases the kids as a “game,” I am now feeling the effects of that now.

I have been trying to implement routines and structure in my classroom, for the most part it was working just a few kinks here and there (children running in the classroom, hitting, standing on tables) but one kid just pushes it too far.

He is constantly running around in circles, destroying things, hitting children, standing on tables and things that don’t need to be stood on etc.

For my first few days, i gave him helper jobs, things to do, that helped a lot with his behavior. he’s the kind of kid where if he goes off the walls so does everyone else. and that’s what leads to my classroom being chaotic. well, these last few days have been just that. he will just randomly start snatching things from children and throwing them and running off, he’ll randomly hit children unprovoked, just run around yelling all out of the blue seemingly. We redirect him and he just laughs and doesn’t listen. we try to sit him out and he drops to the ground and fights out of our hold if we hold his hand.

I don’t know what to do. he is so hard to contain. it’s very overwhelming having to constantly keep an eye on just him and redirect him, and it’s clear he’s the source issue cause as soon as i separate him from the group everyone is calm. I don’t want to keep taking attention away from my other kids just for him but he is quite literally what makes everyone else become chaotic too.

Having another teacher pull him and sit with her definitely helped, i could tell he came back regulated. there may also be a language barrier, he can communicate in english but his home language is foreign. my director and i thought maybe that played a role in his behavior issues but im not sure.

really i am lost, i really do live my job but its quite literally just ONE child causing me all this distress. it seems like everyone has given up on him but i dont want to either.