u/beekaydubvee

I was already planning to visit my parents in AL (dad 85 & failing physically, denial of dementia symptoms; mom 76 & unbothered by cognitive decline and physically well; separate apartments across the hall because they can’t get along) today when dad called and reported that neither of their TVs nor his laptop nor his cell (8th in 9 months) are working and asked me to please bring a new laptop this afternoon.

I think the TVs are probably a cable company issue and fixable. This is the second laptop he’s crashed this year. I still have his previous flip phone that worked just fine. I’ve looked at senior friendly phones and computers and it seems highly unlikely that anything will work long term; I think the issue is dad’s anosognosia and lack of dexterity more than the tech itself. This seems like a great time to place some limits around the number of expensive things he can continue to break and also to curb his impulsive online shopping. (I’m pretty sure he bought some sketchy software that crashed the laptop) Problem is, he doesn’t want to believe he’s the problem and that he’s risking these devices and sometimes their money by his misuse.

I’d love to hear if anyone has had this conversation, successfully limited device access, had landlines installed, etc and how you approached it. And yes, I should have placed limits on some of this sooner, so I appreciate advice on what’s the move now

His (age 85) conditions include: CHF, diabetes, cerebellar ataxia, early dementia, a-fib, depression, and a handful more. Wheelchair bound for several years now.

Tuesday his blood pressure dropped and his AL appropriately had him transported to hospital. He was stabilized pretty quickly and is still (Thursday night) in cardiopulmonary ICU. The hospital says there’s no available bed on a regular floor to transfer him.

It’s a great room and he’s getting great care buuuuut it’s the latest of several frequent hospital stays. It’s the first ever when no one has brought up a discharge date or specific testing to do by this time. Last hospital visit was just 2 weeks ago, for TIA, AKI, and UTI.

Is this just how it’s going to be for some indefinite period of time? He does not follow any suggestions for hydration, healthier eating, appropriate PT homework etc. My mom has more advanced dementia and wants him to get better and come home. I want him to have some quality to the end of his life, if that’s what this is. Presumably a medical professional will tell me when that is the case, and when we might explore hospice or similar? I don’t mean to sound cold or transactional about it. I would just like us all to have a little information and, in my wildest dreams, structure and the ability to make plans. Am I missing something?