How to sit with the reality
Hi! I have always been a very positive person. I believe finding partnership for people who know themselves, who have standards, and who take their time — takes time, and it's very normal that 99.9% if the population is not meant to live life with you.
I became single at 36 1/2. I was sure I'd meet someone new once I'd healed and truly moved on. I expected my ex to as well. It was amicable. We're both smart, kind, successful, 8/10 in looks, good folks. No kids or intertwined assets.
For the past 3 years, now single almost 5 years, I have been dating with the intention of partnership. I rely mostly on dating apps but have kept myself open in public and done okay there.
What I have found: Dating ages 38-50. I am 41.
- I get a lot of attention but no follow through.
- Men who are very into me initially. Sometimes plan a whole second date and then ghost. They tell me I'm pretty, they walk me to my car, kiss me, text me excited after.
- Men who have decided they have X capacity [almost none due to kids, etc.] or dating/partnership is not a priority at the time, even at 45-50.
- Men who have written off dating again but will pursue me because of course they still like companionship and sex sometimes. I find out later of course. These men mean it too. They don't go on to date anyone else.
- A date that felt really positive to me and like a good foundation for a second date, but no contact after. Sometimes I feel people expect explosion of chemistry or they don't move forward. Healthy crushes build over time IMO. 2-3 dates then decide.
- I had one 4 month relationship with a man who broke up with me just after I met his family, which he asked me intently to do multiple times. He said they loved me. I loved them. He later told me his therapist said he was a classic Dismissive Avoidant thus why he'd never had a longterm relationship over 1 year.
I get that no one is having a great time on the apps, but I have recently been sitting with a very deep grief. I think of it when I wake up and realize I miss human touch. That it's been five years. 60+ dates. I work on myself daily. Always have. But in a chill way ;)
I feel certain there's something about me or my age that means there's no guarantee I'll meet someone again. I have never carried a feeling like this.
How do you mentally repair yourself after 3 years of constant confusion and let down?
Thanks,
Danielle