The sense of security & financial progress paying off debt may be my Trigger to why I Gamble. Anyone else feel this way?
Hi everyone!
I’ve been a lurker on this sub for a really long time.
I’m 33F and I relapsed last night after not playing online slots for a few months, so I’m pretty disappointed in myself.. What I noticed is my gambling addiction has spiraled because I’m making bigger bets ($5-10+) when I used to only play $2-3 max, as well as depositing larger amounts..
I still don’t know what my trigger is. And it’s super frustrating. It feels like it literally comes out of the blue and I’ll tell myself I’ll only be playing $100 and end up putting in a boat load more. Even if I win, I never cash out. Last night, I lost the most I ever have - $3500, and all pulled from my line of credit. I just have 0 control at this point.
I make $55k annually. I have an emergency fund of $12k, but other than that I have no real savings or anything in an RRSP. Feeling like a real failure and I just have no one to talk to about this.. I was making real progress paying off debt I had before this relapse, and it was only around $3k, so I was feeling really good.. Now it’s right back up to $6,500. I hate this rollercoaster :(
I resorted to asking ChatGPT for advice even because I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts and my mind has been telling me all day to “try again, you can win it back.” But I know I’ll just dig myself into a deeper hole and I hate myself for that thought crossing my mind because it makes me feel so powerless, shameful, and guilty..
A good piece of advice that ChatGPT did give me (and it also made me realize this might tie into some sort of trigger why I do gamble) is when I pay off debt and get to a “good place”, it gives me this “false sense of security”. I was thinking of taking some money from my TFSA/emergency fund to pay off this $3500 I blew, but I’m almost afraid to because I know it’ll create that feeling once again, whether that’s in a few months or tomorrow. Thankfully, my line of credits interest is very low so I may just bite the bullet and suffer my consequences paying this debt off the long & hard way. I really don’t want to take money from my only savings at the end of the day..
I guess I just needed to vent. And I would like to hear from anyone who may feel the same way, have any advice, or could relate to the false security blanket being pulled over our eyes.
Thank-you guys! This is day 1 for me - we could do this.
🫶