u/bezito72

As I said in a previous post, me and my now ex-girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago. I have to say, I haven't responded badly like I was expecting.

When someone I knew left (before her) I completely lost it. I had known this person for about a year, so a lot longer than my ex - I was angry, horrified that someone would leave me for their partner. After everything I did for that person and they left me. But I didn't respond like that when my ex broke up with me. I'll admit it, it was my fault we broke up, my behavior over a period of time. Which is understandable and I do take accountability for it.

But what I'm struggling with, is whether or not my response to this (admitting I was in the wrong, not responding with such anger and everything else you'd expect) is just a way of protecting myself? Am I just subtly boosting my own ego by saying I'm going to focus on myself and that I don't care??

Granted I did "detach" myself from her before we broke up. I no longer care about her, but I still want her to care for me. And to be honest, it makes me feel like shit. I don't want to be this person, and I am trying. But the more I try, the more I spiral. It's a constant battle between 'yes it's my fault, I'll work on myself and be better' and 'well, it's also her fault we broke up. She wasn't perfect. She can't just blame me'.

It doesn't help that she supposedly doesn't have notifications switched on for Instagram, and yet is reposting things on there and viewing my story. I don't appreciate being lied to after everything I did for her, I don't appreciate being ignored like that while I was communicating with her over an issue she created. She wanted me to communicate more, but she doesn't do it or lies/ignores me when I do?? What the fuck. Lol, sorry. That's such a tangent. (The issue has been resolved I'm just frustrated that she's being like this)

I wouldn't say I'm particularly looking for comfort. Just a logical response I suppose? Just advice or something. Please do ask for more information, or if this doesn't make sense.

For a few years now I've been on and off the question of "Is it NPD or not?" And by that, I mean, do I have this disorder and I've gone years without realizing any of it: or do I just exhibit the traits without the disorder?

I have to make this clear, this is not a request for a diagnosis or anything similar. I just find it interesting.

I fit most of the symptoms and the like, but there's always a part of me that hopes it isn't the disorder. More so from a "that's impossible. It's just the traits, I care too much for others." This then causes a rabbit hole of overthinking. I believe this has been made worse after a recent breakup.

These thoughts bring me to my title question: is it possible to have NPD, display symptoms and have absolutely no idea?

Please do let me know if this doesn't make any sense, if it goes against any rules or is in the wrong tag. :-)

(I'm now realizing I may have put this in the wrong tag - I'm sorry!)

As the title says, I'm looking for some advice for narcissistic behavior, traits and other related things as a result of NPD without therapy. I'm not looking for a "cure answer" but more small things that others have found help them.

I've found that challenging my narcissistic thought and attempting to put myself in situations that go against my thinking helps. But I was wondering if there were any other options?

I'm unable to get therapy at the moment.

I hope this makes sense, please let me know if it doesn't.

I'm looking for a book about a girl who travels through dimensions. I read this book when I was a child. We're talking early 2000s - 2010s. She was blonde, could travel between dimensions and in this specific book, she was a pirate. The girl had scruffy blonde hair (not sure if that's helpful..)

In regards to the front cover, she stood on the front of a pirate ship with the title of the book above her. The book cover itself is red with gold accents on it.

From what I remember her name might have begun with an M? I can't remember exactly though.

I'm afraid that's all I can remember. This is my first post on this subreddit so please do let me know if I've done something wrong!