MIL retired when I had baby…
I’ve known my IL’s about 6 years, married to my husband for two. We just had our first LO about 10 weeks ago.
Let me start off with that we literally live right next door to them, in what was my husband’s grandparents house. Like most, prior to having baby I felt ok about my in laws, we had dinner with them every other Friday, saw them frequently because my FIL takes our dog during the day because he is already retired, etc. I didn’t want to be best friends with them but they are tolerable.
During my first pregnancy, my MIL started to talk about retiring. I unfortunately had a miscarriage 2 months in and that kind of ended that talk. I never pursued it or asked her why she felt the need to retire, but nevertheless. Fast forward to finding out I was pregnant last August, over a year since my MC, and now the talk of retiring begins again. At the time I said maybe they could watch baby a day during week, but that I wanted him strapped to me and by my side as long as possible. I am lucky enough to work at a family business where it will be possible to keep my LO with me when i return to work.
Before giving birth, I told my husband I did not want anyone but him and my mom with me. I’m extremely close to my mom. As time is getting close for my induction, im hearing things like “well let us know when she is close to having baby so we can be there”. I tried to be ok with it, they are first time grandparents and I know they are excited so I just let it happen. I ended up having to have a c-section, and the first thing I hear after I’m rolled back to my room, body numb and naked, holding my precious miracle is “well I finally handed in my retirement papers today.” lol what.
After that I feel like she just expected this baby to be handed to her. My mom stayed with me and my husband for two weeks after, and thank god for that. But my MIL kept making comments like “well when your mom leaves then I’ll come up. Then I’ll make you dinners. Then I can hold the baby if you want to nap or go to store.” It felt weird that because one grandma was there, she wouldn’t come even though she lives right next door. A minute walk over. She never brought us dinners or did anything like such. You know, helpful things you don’t really need to ask for when you’re postpartum.
After that, when my mom left and my husband returned to work, it was a constant “well let me know when I can come, let me know when you need help” like repeated 5-7 times every visit up. I just kept saying “ok I will”. I didn’t want her around. I felt like I was already trying to learn the needs of a newborn, and having her around meant I not only had to monitor him but also entertain her. But she was upset because my own parents kept coming over. I let her come up one afternoon, and she saw the bottles in the sink, didn’t do a thing about them. She followed me from spot to spot as I tried to calm my baby down, I was clearly frazzled and stressed, and she just wanted to talk about work drama as her last few weeks were coming to an end. She shoves the pacifier in his mouth even when he doesn’t want it. And not once has she offered to change his diaper. I feel like she became bitter when I continued to have my own mother and father over, at least once a week, because my own parents are genuinely helpful, I don’t have to explain my needs, I trust them with my baby. I feel like it’s a known biological thing that girls (who get along with their parents) want them around with a new baby, especially their own moms!!!! My MIL and SIL are extremely close so I thought this would be something she could understand.
My last straw happened a few days ago, she’s officially retired now. My MIL and FIL came up. I tried to be happy and handed baby over. My FIL said “this baby is what she needed”. My MIL said “yes he is, mine are all grown up now.” YEAH. You had your years of being a mom! This is MINE? She then made comments about how my LO was going to hang out in her craft room with her and read books down at their house. I feel like she’s trying to get him alone which I just feel is weird. I’ve made it clear this baby has no intention of leaving my side at minimum the next year. Thankfully my husband fully supports this. It’s just an awkward situation and I feel guilty because I want my baby to have as much family as possible. But I feel so weird and awkward and angry around her.
Tomorrow we are going to a family event for my MILs parents. She keeps saying everyone is excited to meet him. But I refuse to pass him around like a piece of meat. I’m at the point where I don’t care if I come across cold and rude anymore. This is my baby and she’s making me feel like I’m doing something wrong. Please give me advice on anything. I don’t want to hate her but it’s difficult.
Edit: my baby is 10 WEEKS not months. Can you tell in exhausted?