15-week-old won't sleep without motion/being carried and every flat/independent sleep trick is blowing up in my face. Please help.
My 3.5 month old's entire sleep strategy relied on being carried and rocked by me or my husband for every single nap and bedtime. In a dedicated carrier that is. She would protest (scream) and arch for a few minutes, but eventually go down.
The problem: We are so exhausted and it's physically draining that we just can't carry on like this.
We are completely crashing and burning right now, and I’m hoping someone here can offer a sanity check or practical advice.
Here is what we've experienced so far:
• We used to "make" her sleep after each feed: she would feed for about 20-30min and then stay awake for about 1 hour, we then put her in the carrier and "babywear" her, by either doing semi-pushups or by rigorous walking. Sometimes we go outside to take a stroll in the city until she falls asleep. She wouldn't, however, fall asleep if she was able to look outside, so we usually put up the sun-protection thingy or zip up the jacket (making sure she gets enough air). This step she hates and starts arching and screaming for a few minutes but then falls asleep usually.
• Nights are okay-ish because she nurses to sleep and after waiting about 10min we transfer her to her crib. We do a last feed at about 9pm, carry her until she's asleep by about 10pm and then wake her at around 1-2am for a dream feed (where she nurses to sleep) and she continues to sleep until about 6am.
• After reading up on biologically normal infant sleep on here, I've now tried to make her naps "normal" over the past week (see screenshot of the past few days), meaning I watch for cues (and also still have in mind of long she's been awake) and only try to make her sleep when she wants to. This is absolute chaos for me because now the whole day becomes unpredictable and it's taking a bit of a toll on me mentally. But at least I have been able to nurse her to sleep with this method a few times.
• However, now comes the biggest issue: I don't know how to reliably get her to sleep outside of the carrier. Sometimes nursing to sleep works (if sleep pressure is high). But it's very unpredictable: sometimes she'll sleep for an hour and other times (more often) she'll wake after 5-10min.
• Rocking her in my arms doesn't help, cuddling doesn't help, patting her is not possible because she only likes to lie on her back, never her side or her belly (when I try to side-lie nurse her, she violently fights to roll onto her back and arches away).
I know sleep at 3.5 months is chaotic, but I am at my limit. For parents who have navigated severe contact-nap dependencies: how on earth do you transition away from motion when your body gives out, especially when every attempt at flat sleep ends in a 5-minute wake-up?