r/bninfantsleep

I’m starting to feel like not sleep training is a luxury for the stay at home mom. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a long maternity leave by US standards (5 months) but am feeling pressure to get my 4.5mo to sleep more independently before going back to work (he will be staying with grandma.) Ge is still sleeping in our room but we will be moving him out soon because I need to be able to get ready for work before he wakes up. Right now for naps he will do 20-40 minutes in the crib after being rocked to sleep but I will often have to rescue the nap by just holding him. If he falls asleep while eating I will let him contact nap and of course those are this longest naps. I know my mom will be happy to do some contact napping early on, but as he gets older she’s going to expect more and more independent sleep and I feel obligated to help make that happen as she’s putting her life on hold for a few months to give us free childcare until he goes to daycare at age 1. How do you manage sleep with other people are caring for your child?

My baby is 4 1/2 months old and is so bright, happy and alert! Naptime during the day seems to be a bit easier but bedtime is always such a challenge! She only falls asleep if my partner takes her out in the carrier. We’ve tried setting up a peaceful bedtime routine, but it just gets to the point where she’s frustrated. She’ll be almost asleep and then it’s like she’s trying not to so wakes herself up and gets frustrated. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I don’t know if this just part of the four month sleep regression and there’s nothing that I can actually do. I feel like I’m failing her as a Mum. She used to fall asleep so easily on me or I could just feed her to sleep but nothing is working. Please don’t suggest cry it out or tell me I shouldn’t have her on me. But any other advice would be greatly appreciated! We follow recommended wake windows and have about four naps a day but sometimes I think she’s got low sleep needs too.

My exclusively contact napping, EBF, cosleeping wakeful velcro baby just slept through the night (9pm-5:30am) for the first time ever.

During our worst months-long periods, she was waking anywhere from 6 to 12 times (averaging 8-10) a night. There have been times that it felt like baby sleep was ruining my life.

Now at 11 months, her baseline is 2-5 wakes for eating and/or comfort which is manageable. She does a crib stretch (nursed to sleep and transferred) and then comes to bed with me around midnight-2 usually. But last night, she went to bed at 8, I resettled her back in the crib at 9 when she got restless, and then she didn't make a peep again until 5:42am. She's in bed with me now because she didn't seem done sleeping but I'm so proud and excited I'm wide awake lol

I realize it might not happen again for months but I never thought this was possible for us. We have never been anything but responsive and hands-on when it comes to her sleep.

Nothing has made a bigger difference than just ensuring enough total awake time during the day, and time. All the schedule tweaking made only miniscule impact for us. She just needed time.

my 9mo old had a horrible night of sleep (was awake for ~2 hours at one point). she usually wakes up at 7am and has her first nap at 10am, but she woke up at 6:15am and got tired early, went down for her first nap at 8:25am

should i let her nap a little longer to catch up on sleep debt or cap it at an hour as usual?

How do I move forward after I have done sleep training? My girl (now almost 1 year), was “sleep trained” at 5 months. I did this out of desperation and believing that this was best for her and the safest way for everyone to begin sleeping again. It was a lie and I now hate the entire concept of it. The night my husband and I sleep trained her, I had to wear AirPods with music playing because hearing her screams broke me. This is such a red flag that I didn’t even notice! I tuned out all of my biological instincts purposefully. Looking back, I feel like a monster.

We are now going through new sleep and nap battles but we have learned so much about sleep training and baby regulation that “re-training” her is not an option. I have cried into her tiny body during contact naps, trying to forgive myself and more forward, for the months of ignoring her during bedtime. It still haunts me. Does anyone have any advice if you had a similar experience to me?

Secondly, responding to her cries and moments of deregulation always comes easy in terms of my body instinctively knows it needs to go to her but it’s not easy in terms of my mind feeling frustrated. While I was pro-sleep training, I believed many lies, one of which was that I could essentially fine tune my baby (like a robot), to sleep exactly how I wanted her to. So now, when disruptions come, I feel robbed. It’s a hard shift to make, to seeing her as the most important thing and worthy of all my attention, when I was so unwilling to give her that for so many months.

My emotions on this topic run so deeply. I just need a space to chat about it.

I desperately need help sleep training my 8 month old. Extra info: breastfed/ extremely breast attached, very clingy/ gets no comfort from anyone but mom, almost never can be sat down for naps and resulted to cosleeping at 1.5 months and trying desperately to switch to crib in same room. We do not have any type of strict day schedule as she’s always been more of a “cluster feed and comfort nurse” type of baby so there’s no predictable schedule for feeds or naps. My child absolutely will not stay asleep if you are not holding her. The only slight exception is side lay breastfeeding and sometimes I can get up, but the sleep doesn’t last long if I do. She only stays asleep if I am physically asleep right next to her. If I get her to bed and put her down, she instantly wakes up before I can get her halfway sat down. Yes I’ve tried butt first, yes I’ve tried putting her down half asleep. I’ve tried all those tips and she wakes up instantly. I have my baby 24/7 and im just ready to at least get a little time to myself back even if it’s a few hours before I sleep for the night. The past few nights I’ve tried putting her down in the crib but she wakes up when im even near it. I rock her back and try to get her at least half asleep before putting her down and no matter what stage of sleep she’s in, she wakes up instantly before I can even get her halfway into the crib. I tried doing the whole letting her cry for a few before going back in but she will cry all night if I allowed it. What can I possibly do? I feel like a terrible mother just hearing her cry and cry. I feel she’s calming and she’s back to screaming so loud again you’d think she’s deathly injured. I’m exhausted and im very in need of just a slight bit of time for myself. Any tips appreciated and feel free to ask questions for further info needed. I’m a first time mom and this whole things has me lost and confused, please no judgement. Thank you!

We have a 14mo who currently cosleeps, wakes about twice a night, and still feeds overnight. I'm aware this is all pretty normal at this age, but there are a couple of reasons the current sleep situation isn't working for me and I'd like any tips on how people dealt with transitions like this.

She is likely eating enough during the day, plus gets around 500ml of milk throughout the day (which my GP said is what should be the max around this age and with eating solids). I'm no longer breast feeding, it's just milk from a bottle. We actually (almost) successfully night weaned back when she was 12 months, but a few bouts of sickness reversed this and now she has really developed an association with feeding to be able to get back to sleep.

So I think it is probably time to try and night wean at least 1 feed, and on top of this she has a very strong attachment to my hair. Basically needs it to fall asleep now, because we were never really successful at helping her to attach to a soft toy/lovey to help her with sleep. This might seem harmless but it's to the level of yanking and pulling out hairs some nights - and she will scream if I tie it up and withold it from her.

I love cosleeping most of the time but it is not really sustainable when it's the only way she can sleep. I'm having some back/neck issues and headaches because of this.

My question is this: How would you/have you gone about working on things? Is night weaning while cosleeping easier, or better that they have the comfort of a bottle while trying to transition back to the cot? Should I try and help her develop another sleep association with a different toy first to help the transition or is 14 months a bit old for this to work?

I cant believe I’m saying this after months of short contact naps, but the last few weeks my almost 9 month old has started really extending naps in her crib. A typical day for us looks like:

Wake: 6:30
2.75 hour wake window
Nap 1: 9:15-11:15
3 hour wake window
Nap 2: 2:15-3:45
4.25 hour wake window
Bedtime: 8:00

At night she wakes up 2-4 times, and it isnt uncommon for one of those wakes to be ~45 minutes.

We average 12.5 total sleep with 9.5 hours at night and 3 hours of day. It feels like that is shifting more towards day now. I cap naps at 2 hours or 4pm, and I’m having to wake her up everyday because a nap will hit 2 hours. Should I be capping naps even more? If she’s only going to sleep 12.5-13 hours a day, and I hope for 10.5 at night, then I have to start doing that right?

I feel so mean waking her up and I know everyone else in my life is going to think I’m crazy for it because you don’t wake a sleeping baby. Is there a gentler way to cap naps? Like trying to sync it up with sleep cycles so it is less jarring for her?

it took a lot longer to get my baby to sleep tonight because of all the stupid fireworks that are very LOUDLY going off in our neighborhood. I’m concerned they may last well into the night. I don’t like fireworks. and I don’t like people. i have the sound machine going, but it isn’t helping much at all. it’s going to be a long night for this sleep-deprived mama and her baby.

My son is 7mo old. Prior to the 4mo regression he was sleeping 6-10 hour stretches nightly for a few weeks. Since the regression, it’s been 3-4 hours (sometimes a unicorn 5-6) with some really rough patches mixed in during teething, milestones, etc. lately it has been 1-2 hours and taking an hour or longer to get him down. Some nights he refuses his crib and I have to hold him in the recliner for several hours.

I am beyond exhausted. My husband helps a little but it is mainly on me. I was also recently promoted at work and have a more demanding job. Between not sleeping and more work responsibility I am so sleep deprived it is completely unsustainable.

I don’t think sleep training is for me but I cannot live like this. How do I get more sleep for both of us? He’s the happiest baby during the day so at least he isn’t miserable, but his mama is 😵‍💫😭

Hi everyone,
How did the transition to one nap go for your little one, and when did it happen?
My daughter is 9 months and 3 weeks old and seems to be on the lower sleep needs side. We went through the 4-month sleep regression, she transitioned to two naps just before turning 6 months, and things became more challenging again around 8 months when her sleep needs seemed to decrease even further.
Right now she sleeps from 9:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m., with 2–3 night wakings. During the day she only gets about 1.5 hours of total daytime sleep.
I have a feeling we’re getting close to transitioning to one nap. At the moment, her wake windows are roughly 3.5/4/5.
What do you think?
Thanks!

My little boy is 16 months old today. We have shared a bed since he was 2 months old. I think it is time i transition him to his own bed, though.

Lately I feel like he is bothered by us when we come to bed, particularly the dogs. I would leave the dogs out of the room but they just cry and scratch at the door. Long story short, I am planning on letting him stay in the same room with same bed while my husband, the dogs and I will set up in a different room. He is used to sleeping alone the beginning of the night, because I put him to bed then go spend time with my husband for a while. I go to him when he cries. So the biggest difference for him will be that I wont be next to him when he wakes in the morning..

I feel like i need to prepare him for the change, but I'm not sure how. How do i approach this with him? What exactly do i say? He understands a lot, but I'm not sure that he will understand fully. I just don't want him to feel abandoned if I'm not next to him when he wakes for the day.

For context, this is my second baby and my first was a sensitive sleeper. My baby sleeps great at night with me cosleeping but during the day he wails before naps/ falling asleep. As if being sleepy literally pains him. This is with me holding him, rocking him, nursing him, baby wearing and walking around, etc. I’m trying all the things I can possibly think of to support him and soothe him. And it just seems to be getting worse. I am setting alarms for his wake windows and starting to try to soothe him to sleep beforehand so he doesn’t get overtired. Hearing and seeing him cry so hard is TERRIBLE for me and even my toddler gets really upset about it- especially because I’m trying everything I know to help him nap.

Many days (not always), if he does fall asleep, he wakes 10-20 minutes later. Then gets behind and overtired. This happens in the baby carrier.

Any advice/ baby soothing tricks/ similar experiences? I know he’s so little now and this will pass but anything to help him nap without so much tears because this amount of crying doesn’t feel sustainable 😭😭

Just wanted to share this for support/solidarity..
I had a role model/mother figure in my life who I was incredibly close to since I was a teen. She’s almost 15 years older than me and has kids herself. One of hers was an awful sleeper too and she had to CIO even though she’s the most attachment driven person I know.
We had a big argument when my baby was born and wasn’t sleeping at all and she was pushing me to sleep train and said I’m being difficult and unreasonable as I kept refusing and even offered to st my kid. She said she had to do cio and so I’ll have to do that too. I told her this isn’t something me or my partner are okay with and I won’t do it.
It was very heated and ended up causing a lot of distance and drift between us..
I don’t know if that’s the right page for this vent but as you all know.. moms really need their support systems and I kinda lost a huge part of mine. It’s just sad and I just wanted to vent.
My baby is one and a bit now and we’re still up every few hours (a win from the first 9-10m when we were up every 20-80 mins!) but we are both thriving and I think it was triggering for her to see that her ST wasn’t a necessity. She said she felt pressured to do cio as everyone told her baby needs to sttn at 2-3 months
I’m sure it’s a common issue when parenting styles clash but ours don’t.. so it’s more a social media and society pressures

I lay awake holding my son who only contact sleeps wondering...how is this an evolutionary advantage? Why is it so difficult for babies to sleep and how did we evolve this way? I worry about going back to work like this. Driving when im just too sleep deprived. Questioning how all the parents around me are doing it. I am so overstimulated and agitated and somehow right now thinking....did our ancestors do this? Was it not as bad without a 9-5? Or have we all just suffered and somehow continue to have kids despite how painful it can be? Do other animals experience this? This just doesn't make sense.

My nearly one year old still wakes almost every sleep cycle. It’s 3/4 wakes a night, every 1.5 hours or so. Sometimes it’s 2 wakes, sometimes once.

Her night sleep is wildly inconsistent. I have tried everything. Anything that looks like a pattern is quickly disproved. This girl humbles us. I have no idea what is causing all the wakes. Shes never been a gifted sleeper, waking anywhere from 6-8 times a night for many months until a couple months ago when it’s gotten to 3-4. Tonight we’re up to 5 wakes and shes having such a hard time settling lately. Regressions don’t really mean much, because her sleep has always sucked.

Schedule below. Is the idea to play w it h sleep pressure? Because she’s getting the “right” amount of day sleep, going down easy for naps and bedtime, so I’m so confused what on earth we could be doing.

Open to any and all suggestions. Thank you fam!!

Wake - 7:30am
Nap 1 - 11-1
Nap 2 - 4-5
Bedtime - 8:30 or 9

All these times can shift by about 30 minutes just depending on when she wakes up. In general, wake windows are 3/3/4. First nap is like 1.-2 hours and second nap is like 30 mins-1.5 hours.

Edit: forgot to mention that each night wake requires 20-30 mins of rocking and sometimes bottles to help her back down

Edit 2: if it makes a difference Shes not quite one yet, about 11mo bc she was three weeks early.

Let me preface by saying I am not bothered by the 5am wakeup. My son is EXHAUSTED by 6pm every night no matter what so we follow his cues and he sleeps 6pm-5am no wake ups (I know, we are lucky. Never sleep trained obviously). However after the 5am wakeup he goes through mini cycles of seeming to be tired again (rubbing eyes, yawning, glassy eyes, staring into space). A few weeks ago he would take another nap by 6:30am but now he is able to stay awake until closer to 7:30am so about 2.5 hour wake windows which I know are not uncommon for his age.

TLDR: anyone else have a six month old who wakes at 5am and when is their first nap?

PS yes we have tried pushing back bedtime a few minutes at a time and he is just totally zonked out by 6pm no matter what so we let him do his thing.

Since my LO was 3.5 months old (currently 6 mo) every nap has been a contact nap and we've been bedsharing. It's going well but at night I'm wondering if he actually needs some separation from me. Sometimes he'll be super fidgety and I can't calm him and eventually I have to nurse him to sleep even if he just nursed to sleep 20 minutes previously. But then I can go to the bathroom and he settles fine and is sleeping soundly without me by time I get back. I get in bed as quietly as I can but he senses I'm there and moves in close and about 50% of the time partially wakes and can't go back to sleep without nursing. I suspect if I never went back to the bed he would've kept sleeping until a more natural wake up point (sleep cycle, hunger).

Anyone else experience something similar? Is he telling me he's ready for more space? I'd love to be able to put him in bed and then leave for an hour or two to spend time with his dad before I go to bed, or to read or finish crocheting his toy dragon while he naps alone. His crib is next to the bed but lower than our mattress so I can't currently just roll him into it after nursing to sleep, but I've asked my husband to figure out how to make it even with our bed so I can do that.

I don't want him to wake and freak out because I'm not there. I want the transition to be smooth and him to always feel safe and supported around sleep. But if I am truly impacting his sleep I want to follow that cue as well. (Previously when he did nap and do ON sleep in his bassinet he never woke up freaking out if I wasn't there. He was usually pretty calm. But that was then. He may have changed after experiencing the good life :p).

How do I know when he's ready for something like this and how do I navigate the transition? Would love to hear how others have done it.

My baby is 13 months old. He was an awful sleeper. As a newborn he woke every 2 hours. Then came the four month regression. He woke every single hour. Often every 30 mins, sometimes every 10 mins (wish I was joking) . This went on for months. I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating. I was exclusively breast feeding so I introduced formula to try and stretch his sleep but that didn’t work. And mind you, when he woke every hour he didn’t go to sleep with the boob or just pats or snuggles. He wanted to be walked. Every single hour. We co-slept when the regression started and it did NOTHING to help him sleep. In fact he just kept wanting more and more walking to sleep. I barely slept since it would take sooo long for him to be ok with us lying down again. He would scream if you stopped walking him so you had to wait till he was in deep sleep.

When he turned 8 months and I thought I would go into psychosis I decided to sleep train. I did a “gentle” chair method. But it involved crying. It involved me eventually leaving the room. I have immense guilt from it. He started sleeping through the night in a few days (well usually 1 wake but who cares). Then a month later he got sick and went back to waking every hour. I did a version of training again after ten days of that. It took a day.
Now he’s 13 months. He has about 2-3 wakes. We co sleep after his first wake at around 3 am and that’s the only wake that requires a lot of walking the rest he settles easier now. It works well for us. He’s rocked to sleep and that doesn’t seem to affect his night sleep. I guess it worked. But at what cost? I have nightmares of people taking away my baby because I did that to him. I have immense guilt. I’m expecting a second now and i will not under any circumstances sleep train him. I’m so so so jealous of all the posts here that never sleep trained and you guys have such a great co sleeping journey. I wish that was me. I wish I found this sub earlier. I wish I found a different way.

The reason I’m posting is because when you’re hallucinating from lack of sleep, sleep training sounds like a good idea. I doubt my second will be a good sleeper. If he’s like my first, what do you do to survive the hourly wakes for months on end, what can I do better? How can I be better?

I’m sure others were in my case and didn’t sleep train so I’m really really hoping you tell me what worked for you.