Ready to seek support again
Hi everyone 👋 I’m 27w5d w my double 🌈 girl after losing my baby Fiona at 40w4d in April 2025. I spent some time here and r/stillbirth support after losing her, and was so grateful to meet a community who understood how I felt then, and every day since.
That said, after a little while I had to step away. It sometimes felt like exposing myself over and over and it hurt too much. That trend applied to many aspects of life in general in the year that followed, I turned off social media, turned inward, and really tightened the strings on my inner circle. During that time I had a miscarriage, as well as surgery to remove uterine fibroids, before finally being able to try again.
I am so happy to be expecting my second daughter this Fall, but the anxiety I have felt recently is unmatched. At first I thought I would like a Doppler and my OB was in support. He offered to teach me to use it accurately to ensure I would be able to detect a heartbeat. I considered it strongly but ultimately thought to myself-I am capable of growing and carrying this baby. I did it before and if there is anything I get to create through this journey it is trust and resilience. I figured I could always come back to the option, and still haven’t gotten one. This was before she started moving, when I thought that was *peak* anxiety. Turns out…it wasn’t.
Since she started moving, I am so freaking filled with anxiety whenever she is not actively moving or I haven’t felt her for a while. I tell myself she is fine. Sweet thing is sleeping and growing! But the absolute battle in my mind of the possibility that she is not…it’s rough.
My husband has been so kind and supportive to help me through these moments but I decided it is finally time to seek help again. I met today w a perinatal LCSW who recommended I try EMDR. I am open to it, and wondered if anyone here had tried it, or what types of support/mantras etc. helped you make it through.
I know for most of us the loss we experienced is probably the hardest thing we’ve ever faced, and it feels like making it through another full term pregnancy is the runner-up.
Appreciate all of you here and the journeys we are on.
Lots of love!
Holly