Need Different Perspectives
Hello, mong time lurker for the most part. Ive been in a closed poly relationship (ffm) with a married couple for almost 7 years now. I dont know how else to simplify it so here it is: wife has a kid with an ex. Then got married with our current partner. They had two kids together. Then they met me almost 11 or 12 years later. Weve all been together for 7. I lived with them for a year and moved out due to complications of parenting styles, how we all jumped into everything. Etc. I want to say it was mostly me, going from 0 to 3 kids and learning how to parent and whats acceptable, whats not, and coming from an upbringing that values routine and structure to a home that has no boundaries nor any routine, it just felt overwhelming to me. I was feeling resentment from the messes, the things being taken without asking, etc. Normal things.
I currently now live with my parents, they know about us. All of our families all round doesnt like the poly relationship so it definitely puts a strain on us around the holidailys. But husband and wife wants me to move back in and be completely involved. They even said theyd be happy to have kids with me, which was something i have wanted for as long as i can remember, being a mother. Though being a step mom feels enough for me right now, they are adamant about us living together again. Even the kids want me back in the house. Hearing it from them makes it harder to figure things out.
I want to, but im terrified of the commitment. What they ask isnt unreasonable....but I dont know whats stopping me. Ive been saving my money well, I go over there on the weekends and stay at my parents during the week and frankly some days i love it and other days i wished i was over at their house more. Even got married at Electric Forest by two real official people, but yet somehow it just doesnt feel like a real marriage yet.
I guess what im looking for here is how did any of you decide holidays, when kids were involved or when deciding kids. How was the financial side of it? Ive always been on my own financially even in past relationships (bum ex boyfriends ew) so this is new for me. In my heart i want to jump and go in....but at the same time I seem to catch myself worrying what others feel about it in my own family or if theyd disown me. I guess at the end of the day im worried if im making a big mistake thatll cost me 10 years down the line.
Thanks in advance for any advice or comments or questions. Ill do my best to respond as im a 3rd shifter.