r/polyfamilies

Hi y'all! Tired heteroflex dad with 2 young kids here so please be nice as I'm probably not thinking straight.

My wife and I have been ENM for 10+ years but only entered parenthood in the last few years. My wife was mostly not dating during that time and I had a few short lived things. Lately however, I have just been working a ton to support our family and spending time with the kids. My wife on the other hand has gotten into amazing shape and is living her best life. Kids go to school full time and she's not working so she has a lot of time to date. I'm very happy for her but have been feeling a bit lonely and low on the dating totem pole (she's a female looking for sex / connection with a ton of time while I'm a tired dad with very little time). I've set up dates but end up canceling them due to time constraints. I got to go to a festival this past weekend (not a usual thing at all but a bunch of friends were going) but felt pretty unattractive despite feeling quite social.

I'm having a real hard time understanding why anyone would want to date a taken dad like myself - I feel that I don't have much time, am not in great shape, and can't be the much of the provider for a new partner. Again, I apologize if any of my wording / assumptions are offensive - I'm just trying to convey my feelings and understand what other ENM women look for.

So I guess my question to the women of this channel are: if you are dating a tired dad, why? What do you get from the relationship? Do you have any other advice for someone in my shoes?

I recently got freaked out of a friendship that was almost a poly relationship.. she was soon to be married and she had a young child and I was involved when their child was born. My friend wanted me and her partner to get to know each other but she ruined it I believe. Im a lesbian and I only like women , I believe this was very understood. I wasn't trying to be judgemental of her family life , but I believe that her and her partner was in a very fast settle down transactional relationship.

Reasons why I got freaked out:

1. Her kids questioning where my partner is whilst they have a father and my friend is the wife

2. I wasn't fond of her partner

3. His family (inlaws) hates her

4. She was too honest about her partner negatively (not judging, it was a possible cuck fetish)

5. Whatever was going on between us wasn't very clear and there was a hidden plan that I didn't know about

For my safety I was observing how I could have a part in her life without being connected too much with her family. I cared about her kids though .

Cause I didn't trust there was a fair balance I backed out , though I loved my friend dearly ..

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I've been married to 44 (M) for 13+ years and I 37 (F) have had a relationship with a woman for 9 years (she is also married). As of recently we have split unfortunately. Aside from communication issues, I feel like the fact that I have growing family has added to the complication factor. I have a young school age child with another one on the way. She doesn't and that will not change. She advised that things between us are changing and because of my growing family things will continue to get complicated. I want to add that i am commited to her and we were in a closed relationship. Our relationship is like an onion with many layers but that's not what my question is about.

Question: Is it possible in this type dynamic ENM/KTP/ Hinge relationship can flourish with a family? Is the future I was envisioning with her (maybe someone else down the line) actually a reality for some of you?

What I envisioned is something along the lines of her and I date/have our time like a normal relationship. Semi annual trips & maybe weekend getaway here & there. We do things as a family e.g. beach, dinner, celebrate "family" things together - like an aunt.

Looking forward to feedback.

Thank you in advance.