u/bodycatchabody

Forgive me. This is my first post to this forum, and I am desperate to find some guidance on what to do.

Context and background: My Mother-in-Law lives in Virginia, and we live in FL. She is in her late 60s and lives with her husband, my partner's stepfather, who is in his mid 70s. Both my MIL and FIL smoke and drink. They typically have between 3-6 beers a night until they fall asleep. I would call them functioning alcoholics. We have addressed the drinking with them, but they have refused to stop. My FIL is MAGA. MIL is "apolitical," meaning she doesn't vote and despite hating Trump with a passion, she's pretty much conservative in the sense that she's a boomer who grew up working class and thinks this is all just a blip in American history.

The situation: Over the past six months, my MIL has become increasingly paranoid, bordering (and tipping over into) psychosis. It started with her calling my partner more frequently about the usual scam emails and texts going around. Then she became convinced her phone and email were hacked. Then she banned all cell phones from the house, covered the TVs, and deleted every social and email account. Now she believes she's being watched and followed. She doesn't leave the house. She has tried to contact the FBI multiple times. She can't tell us who is following her or what they want from her, but she believes she is being targeted with her whole heart. She has had a complete break from reality.

Because of her and my FILs political beliefs, they are inherently distrustful of doctors (they don't have primary care providers, they just constantly go to the ER), and mental health professionals. She refuses to talk to anyone or see a doctor about this, and when we suggest that medication might help, she accuses us of trying to drug her and "being in on it." We have contacted social services, but since she is not a danger to herself or others, we can't put her on an involuntary hold. Her husband is also chronically ill (he has COPD) and is of no help. He believes she just needs to "snap out of it."

My partner is in shambles over this. He has no help beyond me. His parents are flawed, but he loves them deeply and just wants his mom back. He's made several trips up there for extended periods to try and get her some help, but she refuses. Each time, she seems to get a little better while he's there, only to relapse once he's gone.

I think we need to move her closer to us, but his stepfather refuses. We fear that if we bring my MIL down, my partner's stepfather will die (she's in charge of all his medications and treatments).

I have suggested that we all (me, my partner, and our toddler) travel to Virginia for an extended period, but my partner thinks this would be a disaster.

How do you help someone who refuses help? Has anyone experienced anything like this? Are there any social services we could reach out to?