u/bonjourdiable

I (33F) live with my parents, my Dad (61M) and my Mom (64F). I also believe my dad is an alcoholic, but a high functioning one, my mom on the other hand is what worries me. My whole life both of them drank beers after work, everyday and on fridays they did drink more and on the weekends the drinking started earlier (that’s still my dad’s routine because he hasn’t retired yet).

Now, my mom retired a few years ago, but her drinking wasn’t so bad. She would maintain the drinking to the evening and would do a 100 days sober every year. Well, this year she hasn’t done her sober days yet, usually she does one during Lent, the 30 days in august and another 30 on november before the holidays. This year she also started drinking a lot earlier, like 11am, she pauses for a bit and at 4  or 5 pm she starts again.

She says she’s not exaggerating because she drinks light beer (with a lower alcohol percentage), but does it make a difference when you basically drink all day? And, she hides the empty can around the house, which for me has to mean something, why hide if you aren’t exaggerating? I have talked to her about it a bit and she said that at the moment she needs the beer to feel better and less stressed; her mother (my grandma) has Alzheimer's and it’s been getting worse and it’s putting a stain on the family, my mom goes take care of my grandma every month for 10 days, and then she comes back.

Lately, she has been forgetting things we tell her, she has a shorter temper with me and my dad, and our dogs. She hasn’t been physical with me or my dad, but she has hit the dogs more than once. A few weeks ago I told her that she’s been drinking too much and she told me to “mind my fucking bussiness.”

So, basically she won’t admit she has a problem, and refuses to go to therapy because “they ask asinine questions.”  I don’t know what to do, I’m studying to get a public service job, and I am honestly scared to leave them alone when I get this job and have to move to another city (no, I can’t not move, the job is in a specific city). My dad doesn't day drink (yet), but I am also scared that once he retires he’ll start as well. And I haven’t talked to my dad about my mom’s drinking, but I plan to, I just need to gather the courage, not that I think it’ll make a difference if he talks to her, because she doesn’t admit she has a problem.

If you have any advice it would be welcomed, because I’m truly at a loss. Also, I don’t live in the US, just in case you want to send resources, I’m from Brazil.

Also posted on r/TrueOffMyChest