Am I (30f) asking for too much much of my spouse (29m)?
My husband and I have been together for 7 years and married for 3. Everything was amazing at first but lately I have been feeling lonely even in his presence. I’ve done some research and believe what I am feeling is emotional disconnect. What I crave is to be seen and taken care of but he is very adamant that if I want something, I must ask for it. Example: I woke up one morning feeling very lonely and sad. He said he could tell something was wrong, that I was off. And I asked him: “ if you could tell that was feeling off or low, why didn’t you offer me any comfort, like a hug?” He replied that he just didn’t think of it. I asked him if it was ok for me to ask him to think of it of it next time he noticed that I was struggling. He told me I was not allowed to ask that of him as I do not get to control his thoughts, which wasn’t my intention.
Everytime I try to talk about what I’m feeling with him, he takes it as an attack, and he gets super defensive and makes me feel like what I am feeling is not correct or valid. He questions everything and asks for examples and definitions and it turns into what feels like an interrogation. And he often accuses me of manipulating him when I’m just trying to communicate. I’m no longer comfortable talking to him about feelings or emotions.
We’ve been to couples therapy and things improved for a while but now everything seems to be falling part.
What I want is to be seen and taken care of, emotionally, and when I told him what I wanted or needed he just shot me down. Am I asking for too much? Is it unreasonable for me to want a partner who is aware of my feelings and needs without me always having to express them?
TL;DR: I’m asking my husband for emotional support and awareness, and to be thought of, and he makes me feel like I’m being unreasonable and asking for too much.