8 months
It’s been almost 9 months since my acute attack (alcoholic) and it’s been almost 9 months sober. I should be happy but I’ve never felt more empty than I do now. My mentality was always one day at a time get past 6 months, we don’t need a drink.
I can eat almost anything but there’s always the thought of is this safe for me and my pancreas? Will this cause a flare? Will I be in hospital again?
I thought me being sober was meant to be good but I’m just becoming the person I was before I started drinking. Muted, introverted, depressed, angry, bored. I’m trying new and old things to spark something but it all just sucks. I can’t socialise with people coz I’ve got nothing going on and they’re all the same conversations anyway.
The looks I get now from “friends” and family boils my blood too.
But the worst part? Everyone offers to help but when you ask it’s like this massive chore and they give this look of disappointment.
Idk man sure maybe I have a problem and I crave alcohol but I just wish the people around me would just listen and understand it’s not just me missing alcohol it’s this constant fear I have with my pancreas.
Being in the hospital and having only my family visiting once and just being disgusted and ashamed of me. laying in the bed just looking at the ceiling hearing only the beeping of the machines around me, I was beyond lonely and afraid. Maybe that’s scarred me and is feeding into this depressed state of mind.
Idk I feel like I’m rambling and maybe this belongs on another subreddit but yeah