u/born_ona_coconut

I’m currently in Class 12, and I’m honestly feeling pretty lost about NEET 2027.

I joined Brilliant Pala’s online abroad batch in Class 11. I attended all the classes during the first month, but gradually something or the other would come up, and I stopped attending regularly. I kept telling myself I would watch the classes later, but obviously that never happened, and I ended up with a huge Class 11 backlog.

School wasn’t great either. I participated in a lot of extracurricular activities and would often skip classes. I genuinely don’t know how I managed to pass Class 11😭. For context, I got 91% in my Class 10 boards (I know it's not that great, everyone expected 95+ from me but I messed up), so I know I’m capable of studying when I actually put my mind to it.

When Class 12 started, I decided I was going to make a comeback. I wanted to study every day. Although I still couldn’t attend my Brilliant classes, I was at least paying attention in school and trying to keep up.

However, I don’t attend the Brilliant exams or complete the workbooks either. Then the war happened, school shifted online, and somewhere along the way I completely lost track again.

Our first-term exams which were originally supposed to be held in May were postponed to August. I thought the extra time would help me catch up, but unfortunately, I couldn’t get myself to study during the vacation. Now my entire Class 12 Term 1 syllabus is basically a backlog too, and my exams are literally next week, so there’s not much I can do about that at this point.

My main concern is NEET 2027. I want to get into a government medical college in Kerala, but right now I feel like I’ve already messed up so badly that I don’t know if catching up is realistic.

My current plan is to get through Class 12 and boards somehow, and then join Brilliant Pala’s crash course after boards and seriously prepare for NEET 2027 from there.

Seeing the KEAM results and people getting their college allotments has also made me really anxious. I keep seeing posts about everyone getting into colleges and it’s making me wonder whether I’m already too far behind.

So, realistically, do I still have a chance of getting a good enough NEET rank for a government medical college in Kerala if I start taking things seriously after boards (or as soon as my Term 1 Exams get over)?

I know I’ve wasted a lot of time and I’m not looking for reassurance just for the sake of it. I’d genuinely appreciate honest advice from people who have been through something similar or know how realistic this is.

I’ve liked the same guy since Grade 8

Back in 8th grade, I went for the shot put selection in school, and there was another girl with me. Both of us kept throwing the same distance, so we had another day of selections. By then, all the other sports events had already started their practice. So for I think two days, we would go to the stadium along with all the other students who had been selected for different events. When we came back, the girls and boys buses would be mixed. I didn't get selected, so it was my last day there, and there was this guy from my batch who had been selected for another event. He sat next to me on the bus. The seats were arranged so that there was a double seat, then a gap, then a single seat. I was sitting on the double seat with the other girl, and he sat in the single seat beside us. We started talking, and later I remember thinking "Oh he's actually kind of cute" He had been in my class the previous year too, but I had never really thought of him like that before.

I don't talk to boys at all. Like genuinely, I have zero guy friends. So after that, whenever I saw him in the hallway, he would wave at me or say hi, and sometimes we'd have small conversations.

At that time, I was in the student council, and I had dispersal duty. He went home by school bus. Each bus number had its own designated exit. His bus was supposed to use Exit No. 3, while my duty was at Exit No. 2. During the first few days of my duty, I would see him using his actual exit. But after that, he started using my exit every single day. Since I already liked him, my obvious thought was "OMGG, he's using this exit because of me." Whenever he came through my exit, he would smile, say something, and give me a fist bump. Every single day before leaving school, he'd give me a fist bump, we'd have a little bit of small talk, and then he'd leave.

We also had an activity period, and I chose dance. He was in dance too. Strangely, during dance we barely talked. I don't know why. Maybe because he was always with his friends, and I was with mine. But we would smile at each other.

Since I was in eighth grade and had a huge crush on him, I would ask my friends to check if he was looking at me. Our dance room had one entire wall covered with a mirror, so they could tell just by checking that. They said he was looking.

Every day during dance we had to stand in lines. I always stood at the very end of my line, and there were only three boys, whose line was always on the far left. One day I happened to be standing on the far right instead, and then he came over and made the boys line (which was ALWAYS on the left) on the right side instead, basically right next to where I was standing.

Gradually our interactions started becoming more frequent. But I don't know what was wrong with me. Even though I liked him, I panicked. I felt like everything was happening too fast maybe? I don't really know. I just freaked out. So I started ignoring him. Whenever he said hi to me or whenever I saw him in the corridor, I'd pretend not to notice. I honestly feel so bad about doing that because it was just straight up mean.

Then we had our Christmas break. After the holidays, I didn't like him anymore. Whenever I tried smiling at him after that, he'd look away before I even got the chance. Honestly, that's understandable.

After my Grade 8 exams, I started liking him again. Then I found out we were in the same class in Grade 9 too.

During that time, he had this phase where he'd post pickup lines on his Instagram notes. On the first day of school, during Chemistry, the teacher asked who liked Chemistry. I raised my hand, and another girl did too. That same day, he posted a chemistry related pickup line on his notes. I don't remember exactly what it said, but it was something like, "If you were... I'd do you on the table periodically" 😬 or something like that. Looking back, it was WAY too inappropriate for ninth grade, but whatever.

The next day, we had an anti-drug orientation. When we came back, there were only about five minutes left of English period, and the teacher asked me to read the chapter. That day, he posted an English related pickup line something like a, b, c, d, e....

The day after that, during Physics, my Physics teacher (who had taught both of us before) asked me something about our previous year. That same day, he posted a Physics pickup line.

So basically, out of nowhere, he started posting pickup lines related to whatever subject had somehow involved me that day. Maybe I was overthinking it and it was all just a coincidence.

Then the next day, I didn't go to school because I got my period and the cramps were really bad. But another reason was honestly because I wanted to see what he'd post if I wasn't there.

That day his note said, "I would never play hide and seek with you because it's impossible to find someone like you."

As someone who had a massive crush on him, my interpretation was: "He won't play hide and seek because he couldn't find me. And why couldn't he find me BECAUSE I was absent." Pretty silly but it was enough to fuel my delusions.

To me, that couldn't just be a coincidence. For three days he had been posting pickup lines based on different subjects, and then on the one day I was absent, he suddenly posted that.

So I decided to post something too. Lana Del Rey was really popular at the time, so I put the lyric "I got my eye on you" on my Instagram note, basically trying to say "Okay... I see what you're doing."

The next day I went back to school and came home really excited to see what he'd post. But he didn't post anything for a long time. Then eventually he posted "This series has been discontinued (sorry)." Avante ammomente series. I got so annoyed that I stopped liking him again.

Then I liked him again.

Since we were classmates, we had a lot of interactions and eye contact, but there are way too many to write about. Whenever we absolutely HAD to talk (like asking for a book or something) we no longer had casual conversations like we did in Grade 8. And every single time, I'd turn completely red because I blush ridiculously easily.

I also remember one day another guy in my class apparently liked me. During break, his friends came up to tell me that he liked me. The guy I liked was sitting nearby with a few other boys. One of my friends later told me that his face completely changed when those boys came over to tell me.

As usual, my feelings kept switching on and off. OH ALSO he fell on me one day. I don't exactly remember what had happened but I was going through my chat with my friend and saw that. I remember him trying to talk to me sometimes but EVERY SINGLE TIME I would blow it up. I don't know whenever he would say something my mind would go completely blank and I would just get lost😐

Then one day, during our Grade 9 final exams, there was a class group chat. I never usually texted there. One girl said she loved our school because they had given us gap days to study. Another girl replied saying she hated the school and wished it would burn down.

Out of absolutely nowhere, this guy said, "No, the school shouldn't burn down. Where else would XYZ sir give his speeches?"

XYZ sir is my dad.

I remember this guy always used to praise my dad so much, and my dad liked him a lot too.

But I got REALLY mad at him. First of all, why would you even bring my dad into that conversation? Literally nobody was talking about him. Secondly, lots of people talk badly about my dad, but nobody had ever done it in a group chat that I was actually in. And this guy had the audacity to say that.

I immediately left the group chat, unfollowed him everywhere, and completely stopped liking him. I actually hated him so much after that.

Throughout Grade 10, I genuinely didn't like him at all.

Then near the end of Grade 10, I was telling another girl in my class about him, and somehow I started liking him again but only for about a day. Then I stopped again.

I also remember that during Grade 10, he would randomly come into my classroom for absolutely no reason, stand near the door for around two or three minutes, look into the classroom, and then leave.

In Grade 11, I chose Science and he chose Commerce, so we barely interacted or even saw each other.

A few months later, our school's Founder's Day programme came up. I ended up joining the dance performance, even though I wasn't actually supposed to. Basically practices had already started, but around a week later one of the girls broke her leg, so the dance teacher asked me if I could replace her. I really didn't want to because I had already participated in many other programmes and I was behind in classwork. But the teacher kept insisting, so I finally agreed.

Then I found out he was also participating, although he was in a different dance.

And somehow, I started liking him A LOT again.

I don't know. He also did things that confused me. We'd make eye contact, and I felt like he kept trying to come near me. We would have run throughs in the auditorium, and this one time, I was standing in this circle with some of my friends and he was there too. He was standing next to me in the circle and after sometime he broke the circle and stood like right next to me and started humming something. Honestly that is very creepy.

After the programme ended, I found out he had a girlfriend from another school.

I remember being absolutely heartbroken😀. I kept telling myself that I didn't like him anymore because he was committed.

But then I still liked him.

Later we had farewell practice, and I started liking him again. Then once again my feelings kept going on and off.

I'm not completely sure, but I think he and his girlfriend might have broken up. Her reposts used to be almost entirely about having a boyfriend, but now they aren't anymore. I don't know though.

Oh and I just remembered one more thing. Every year, the Commerce students have to set up stalls in school, and they go to each classroom to advertise them. When he came to my class to promote his stall, he kept looking at me. Even the girls around me noticed and said he was looking in my direction the whole time. We sit in the side row, so when someone keeps looking there, it's pretty obvious.

Anyway... he's got a girl or at least he did and I still like him. Yeaaaa soo heres my 4 year crush lore nobody asked for😘😘

We got our phy test pprs back today and I got 17/30. I don't know what happened to me. I studied this time.

Back in grade 11, I did not study so I didn't get marks. But this yr in 12th, I studied but what bs did I get. I used to study real good till the first half of 10th grade. Like I was one of the toppers in my class. But then in the second half I became friends with one of these girls in my class and I don't know ever since my performance began to deteriorate. At the time I did not notice anything like that at all though. It was only until I got my board results that my mom said that I was studying so well in the beginning of the year but towards the end ever since you became friends with those people, you started wasting so much of time. And to be honest it was true. During our study holidays we would get on calls or we would make these schedules to study but both of us kept procrastinating and would watch some movie or do something else instead. And both of us encouraged it as well.

I wouldn't say that it's her fault at all. Because I had an option to continue with it or not. But I never realized that I was being engulfed by this. At the time I thought it was normal but now that I look back at it, I was just wasting my time so much. All the efforts that I had put into my studies went to waste because I didn't revise during those last preparatory months. I got 89.9% which after re-evaluation became 91.4%. Everyone. Students, teachers, friends expected me to get above 95%. Even I was disappointed in myself. My teachers, my parents, everyone.

The girl that I was friends with was a part of this friend group. Eventually I also became a part of them ( I still am). In grade 11 another one of the girls from that group ended up in the same class as me. And we became very close. She did not study well at all. She barely passed the models in school in 10th and I think she also failed. But for boards she got 60% or something. I started going for many extra curricular activities with her that I was barely even in class. On top of that all the teachers that I got could not teach at all. So grade 11 was out of my hands and I told myself that I would start studying in grade 12 and let grade 11 just continue like this. So basically I did not study in grade 11 so I didn't get good marks. But that was okay with me because I didn't put in any effort for the marks. Even that girl in my class wouldn't get marks. She was least bothered about studies.

When 12th began I was like I'm going to start studying. And she said she's also going to do the same. At that time I was happy for her. But now that I think about it, I think I was only happy about that because deep down in my mind I knew that she would never study as much as me. I thought that she would be the one getting 15/30 for tests. I have made a post about her actually, it's about how she completely changed once 12th began so I would recommend you to read that, it's on my account. So now we had our periodic test which is out of 30 marks. And for all subjects, she got around the same marks as me. Well we got our chemistry papers and I got 22 whereas she had 19. And today we got our biology papers and I got 17 when she got 20.5. I know this is really bad but I am going to be honest. I am jealous.

I am very much jealous of the fact that she got so much more than me when she was someone who would fail tests and I was always a topper. She got this much marks for physics because she goes to tuition. Even I go to tuition. But the thing is she goes to the same tuition as me. It was me who had found out about the tuition place in the beginning. I was talking to her one day about it and she just kept being like mmm. And then a few weeks later she says " I joined tuition" and I ask where and she says the same place as me. I don't know I feel like she should've at least told me before joining? I don't know. Yea so what's making it even worse is that, she went to the same tuition as me and got more than me. And this tuition sir is really good. He only has 5 people per batch. And this girl went and started begging him to start a new batch.

I don't know. I feel like everyone around me is going forward and getting all these great grades. But me I don't know I'm just stuck and I don't know what to do. I studied, I did but this is what I get. I always saw myself as someone who gets straight A's and I would always get more marks than my friends. I feel like my standards have dropped so low. Because the people in this friend group don't study that great. And whenever I got more marks than them in 11th I would think it's really good. But it was just best out of the worst. I don't know man. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go with my life. I don't know what to be. I don't know anything