u/brandnewmoo

If you wish, please pray for me. My prayer is that I would grow in my love for all people, that a heart of love would be my gift from the Holy Spirit. I pray that I would persevere in the faith through every trial, that I would be counted worthy of the kingdom of God, that on the day the Lord returns to be glorified in his holy people I would be among those who marvel at the Lord Jesus. I pray that I would be counted worthy of God’s calling, and that by His power He would fulfill every good purpose of mine and every act prompted by faith so that Jesus would be glorified in me and I in him, according to God’s grace and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

I’m interested in exploring Christian mysticism, especially to avoid my constant intellectualism. I like to have most of my beliefs well-thought out, whether that be my views on the atonement, LGBTQ, the Trinity… but that gets in the way of true devotion/experiential worship. Example: I’m about to be confirmed in my local church, which I absolutely love. They’re part of the liberal end of the ACNA, but nevertheless they are non-affirming of LGBTQ and I am currently agnostic on this issue. Yet, I am very pro-life (both for the mother and the unborn), so TEC never seemed like the right fit. But the point is, I should be joyfully anticipating my confirmation, and instead I’m puzzling about today’s hot button issues and second guessing the denomination I chose. What does mysticism have to offer someone like me? can anyone relate?

I am a member of an ACNA church considering confirmation or reception (not sure exactly which one is relevant for me, as I was baptized as a child in a different denomination). Also, I’m not interested in changing churches at this time. My main hurdles are uncertainty over scriptural infallibility and sexuality:

I believe scripture contains all things necessary for salvation, that it is the authoritative and sufficient witness to Jesus Christ, and that it will not fail in its God-intended purposes. I’m not trying to be vague, but scripture is a bit of a mystery to me. It’s obviously very human, but I also derive great comfort and meaning when I read the Bible and, almost daily, use it to communion with and worship God.

Concerning sexuality, I’m heterosexual and married, so I don’t feel my views are all that relevant. I’m undecided whether to be affirming or non-affirming, some days I don’t think homosexual acts are God’s ideal, and even that they are sinful. Other days, I can’t see a problem with them, especially from a scientific and ethical/consensual point-of-view (I almost deconverted to agnosticism/atheism a decade ago, and the residue of a naturalistic worldview is still in my brain). Speaking of brains, I also strongly believe that we don’t know enough about them to be dogmatic about the issue of gender dysphoria (e.g., if an adult has this condition and wants to self harm any time they look in the mirror, has tried different forms of treatment, and medical professionals are recommending they transition, then thank God for the common grace of surgery and hormonal therapy!).

Other than occasional doubts/questions on whether God exists, or whether Jesus Christ was bodily raised from the dead—again, I almost deconverted, so belief in the miraculous is hard for me some times—I love the Lord… I really do. In my heart of hearts, I want nothing more than to sit and listen to him as Mary did, to anoint his feet with my tears for my many sins, to receive forgiveness, and find healing and my entire purpose in Him.

This is why I want to be confirmed.