I came out to my daughter last night
41, pre-everything.
My daughter (15) lives about an hour away (midwestern U.S.) with her mother, step-father, and a few younger step-siblings. She is my only child, and her mother has other, older children, as well. I've always been a big part of her life, but over the past 6 years or so, our relationship had been strained due to my own mental health issues and religious views.
In the past year, I have deconverted from Christianity, and now in the past few months, I have finally allowed myself to explore and be who I really am. Life has done a complete 180, and I am so excited to be starting this new journey!
I've already told my two sisters, my only friend, my boss, and my daughter's mother about my gender identity. I feel so incredibly lucky that they have all been supportive and affirming. But I was really worried about how my daughter would take things.
You see, up until last night, she thought I was a completely different person; this overbearing, strict, religious, depressed hypocrite who cared way too much about how she dressed, the music she listened to, the shows she watched, the kind of friends she had, etc.. I say hypocrite because I would preach to her about loving Jesus and trying to be a "decent person", while I myself was very obviously miserable. Worst of all, I could tell she wasn't really into that stuff, but I still tried to force it on her anyway.
Now that she's in high school, she has a much busier schedule. It's been nearly 3 months since she stayed at my house. What used to be every weekend eventually became every other weekend, and since she started high school, it's been maybe one weekend a month or less that she comes over. Our texts and calls had also been getting less and less frequent over the years. I was slowly losing her.
She recently had a relationship end due to her boyfriend lying to her about being bisexual. I was worried about the timing of things, and even more worried that she would think I was a liar, too.. I wasn't sure how she felt about gender and sexuality issues, either. She lives in a rural midwest city that is heavily conservative. And even though she isn't very religious, I figured she still probably held at least some conservative views because of time spent at church.
Well.. those fears have now been laid to rest! I told her everything last night. All the raw details about my fucked up childhood, the abuse, the trauma, etc., basically my whole life story. And then I went back over it all again in the context of gender dysphoria, finally ending with telling her that I am transgender and working to begin transitioning.
I was expecting shock, or worse, but what I got was deep love and respect. We hugged and cried it out, and then talked about makeup, fashion, and so much more for a few hours. I showed her some pictures of me dressed up, and she said I looked pretty!! (tbf we do look alike, and she did just make sophomore prom queen).
It was amazing. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders, and all is now right in the universe. So much worry, fear, anxiety, and depression have just melted away, and I feel like a whole new person!
Just wanted to share my joy with you all, and hopefully encourage someone out there to keep pressing forward. It does get better. 💖