u/browniebearbear

Day 3 after my first TCHP chemo.

I went into this probably over optimistic (after a very rough emotional rollercoaster at the diagnostic stage), but today it feels like most of that has evaporated.

I could really use some real silver linings from people who’ve been through this, things that genuinely helped you get through the worst parts please? It can be deep or shallow or anything in between.

I’ll go first:
\- I’m getting paid sick leave and I get to spend more time with my baby
\- my treatment is all covered by my company health insurance which got me quick access to diagnosis and treatment and I get to choose my medical team
\- I’m potentially getting a cleavage I’ve never had in my life. Small win, but I’ll take it. (I have BC and will need a mastectomy with reconstruction)

Day 3 after my first TCHP chemo.

I went into this probably over optimistic (after a very rough emotional rollercoaster at the diagnostic stage), but today it feels like most of that has evaporated.

I could really use some real silver linings from people who’ve been through this, things that genuinely helped you get through the worst parts please? It can be deep or shallow or anything in between.

I’ll go first:
- I’m getting paid sick leave and I get to spend more time with my baby
- my treatment is all covered by my company health insurance which got me quick access to diagnosis and treatment and I get to choose my medical team
- I’m potentially getting a cleavage I’ve never had in my life. Small win, but I’ll take it.

I had a rushed IVF cycle before starting chemo for my +++ BC next week. I’ve always been on the fence about a second baby (leaning toward one and done), but I didn’t want cancer to take the choice away from me.

I got the call from my doctor today after yesterday’s retrieval. They only got 3 eggs. Two were immature, and the one mature egg didn’t fertilise. All my fertility bloodwork had been normal, but they think I just didn’t respond well to the stimulation.

It’s a really strange emotional mix. Part of me is sad, I think I was hoping for at least something to hold onto in the middle of this shitshow. But another part of me feels oddly relieved, like this officially closes the chapter on the “maybe baby #2” question. I’m 39 so getting naturally pregnant again after the lengthy treatment is out of the question.

Cancer made the decision for me (thanks..?) and I’m trying to sit with that without judging myself.
Just needed to vent to people who get how layered this all feels.