u/buster_slick

Hi,

I'm looking for fashion advice because I'm sick of looking terrible. In particular, I need some modest goth summer looks. Unfortunately all the goth summer fashion I see (and the overwhelming majority of what I like) is virtually lingerie (not derogatory, I love it), or is at least very form fitting. I cannot pull that off these days.

I avoid wearing skirts above lower-mid thigh (tea length is better), and shirts with sleeves above mid arm. I used to think I looked best with very structured clothing generally, but regardless of what suits me, I cannot bear to show my body shape so much now. Help? I'm sick of looking like a slob.

Yes, it's insecurity, no therapy doesn't work, and no the answer is not to simply wear what I like the look of because a) I can't even tell fully what that is at this point and b) I will straight up lock myself away if I force myself to wear certain clothes and still not be able to function mentally even if I'm completely alone. I know because I've tried and it completely kills my day to be reminded of how I am under clothes. Please don't try to fix me, just looking for fashion ideas so I can feel like myself even if my body doesn't.

I've looked at goth hijabi fashion and I adore it. However, a lot of it looks very layered? I'm extremely heat intolerant and in my experience too many layers can make me lose consciousness. Unfortunately, "soft goth" and casual are not really my vibe. These days summer for me means a rotating selection of oversized band shirts and ankle length skirts, which is something but still not quite how I'd like to look, fashion-wise. Nothing against soft or casual looks, it's just not me. I like punky and trad looks, plus medieval, romantic, folkloric, vampiric type vibes.

TIA

I'm not looking for anyone to say a generic "therapy and meds", not because of skepticism about them or something but because well...they're kind of the obvious basement of what someone can try, and they also require access to resources that not everyone has anyway. If you must, please at least be as specific as possible re: which meds and modalities.

Also, I'm not posting for myself, I'm posting to ask for someone I love and to understand what works for people usually. The person I'm describing also has ADHD (so please don't just offer that up as the whole answer, it's not new info lol. And I'm not NT myself either.)

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How does one get out of the trap of feeling unmotivated and self-loathing? Example: If you are the type of person who would look at a great piece of art and instead of feeling awe and wonder, feel shame because you're so sure you'll never do or make anything great, how do you escape that? My loved one feels that way, constant shame and self-loathing about not doing the type of things they admire other people for doing. They insist they just "can't", and they're "too lazy" and "can't do [thing] because it's hard". I know this isn't true. Plus, if said person does something they'd see as worthwhile for another person, they find a way to dismiss its value if they did it. Basically a mentality of "well if I can do it, surely it's nothing to be proud of." This is not a lazy person, they do all kinds of stuff and teach themselves things randomly all the time.

What's helped you with this mindset? What caused it for you? My loved one is so, so stuck in life and feels awful all the time. When they manage to take a jump into trying something, they don't seem to get that little boost of accomplishment after either. It's always "I guess that doesn't count after all" or "not good enough to matter" or "I'll be too lazy to ever do that again" or "I only did that because [external factor] forced me to do it".

(To be clear, I myself don't really believe in the idea of laziness for various reasons, or I'm at least very skeptical of it being the real cause of inaction 97% of the time for people.)

This person longs to be creative and do big things, but they are set on the idea that it's just...impossible for them because of some sort of intrinsic character flaw. It's frustrating and heartbreaking watching this thought pattern eat away at my loved one more and more each year. It genuinely seems to be ruining their life (which they say themselves).

Hi all,

I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user, and used to only need my wheelchair a couple times a year or at museums and concerts. I've had my current wheelchair for a long time, my EDS doctor prescribed it years and years ago. But it's a basic one, like hospital style, not fitted to my body, manual, heavy. In the past year, I had a spontaneous CSF leak and a kind of general decline. I have severe POTS, and I can't really propel myself with my arms because my shoulders dislocate and I get fatigued very easily. I also can't really lift much, especially post-CSF leak repair. Honestly I can barely open up my wheelchair by myself when it's folded. I've been relying on my partner very heavily during this time. I usually foot propel, and my legs are relatively strong (though I sometimes have gait issues). Because my current chair is sorta big, foot propelling feels like it maybe tugs on my dura a bit, and doing so for a long time has made it so when I stand up I'm super wobbly and gait-disturbed. I also need to be able to lean back somewhat, for example sitting on a stool is fatiguing and painful if I do it for long.

I went to see my EDS specialist yesterday, and I was told they would write for a custom wheelchair (big win!) BUT I need to email them with exactly what I'm looking for. I hope they don't mean measurements and everything, because I'd really prefer to be fitted by an expert...I think they do just mean model. But, even for that, I don't feel super confident just choosing something myself. I'd feel better having a PT or something decide what's best for me, but I've never seen one.

So...I'm crowdsourcing to the hivemind. I will definitely follow up and ask if they can send me to someone, but what do you all think? What's the best wheelchair for someone like me?

Honestly I'm kind of going back and forth about whether I should even pursue a custom chair, whether I'm "disabled enough" (even though people laugh at me when I express that aloud...) But like genuinely, I just had my repair, I'm hoping I don't need another, and if my brain recovers okay my health should holistically improve. I really am hoping that I can get back to being the type of person I was before, able to walk 10 miles in a day just hanging out and having fun and not liable to fall over as long as I don't slow down too much. Wheelchairs are legit such a burden, especially living in a city.

But, as of now -- I don't have a lot of space, I can't really lift anything, my partner's car (I can't drive) is small and normal, I am easily fatigued, I hate using my arms to propel myself and I'm not really strong enough to do it for more than a few minutes at a time. Is an ultra light manual chair with Smart Drive my best bet? I feel like all the chairs I see like that have basically no back to them, and I definitely need back support and the option for someone else to push me if I lose consciousness or whatever. What's the best brand/model?