[l] I don’t know how much longer I can do this.
I have major depression and am so sick of feeling this way. I’m sick of trying new medications only to wind up feeling the same. I’m upset that TMS treatment didn’t help.
I haven’t made a new friend since I left college over a decade ago. Instead I just hid inside of relationships. Now I’m 34 and worried that it’s too late, or that I’ll never work up the courage to even try.
This time last year it seemed like I was reconnecting with someone who I see as the love of my life, but it just didn’t work out. A month ago I made the mistake of texting her repeatedly and wound up being blocked. It feels devastating because even when we were apart we were still on good terms.
I’m sick of going on first dates that never go anywhere. I feel like whatever part of me was charming or funny or attractive just died with that relationship.
I feel so jealous and resentful when i see couples together, and then i just feel worse about myself for feeling that way.
I’m scared that one day I’m going to end my own life. Being this alone is unbearably painful, and it just keeps feeling worse