u/bvollbre

Hi friends,

One of my closest buddies has been really struggling with his SLAA, and I am worried about him.

He and his wife have been separated for over a year now as a result of his behaviors. He had a good counselor in the past when he lived in a different state, but he has not found a new counselor since moving a few years ago. He has sporadically gone to meetings, but doesn't seem to be able to keep up with this regularly. His job sometimes involves working irregular hours, and he often uses this as an excuse (it appears to me) to avoid going to meetings.

One of his family members has offered to pay for him to go to a treatment program, but he doesn't seem to be able to bring himself to pick up the phone and call the program.

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize how strong the "addict brain" is. I had (perhaps ignorantly) thought that his wife moving out, or her going through a serious mental health event recently would have been a wakeup call for him to take some action on getting his addiciton under control. I realize now that it's just not that simple.

I hang out with him every few weeks, and our time together is enjoyable. He has told me that getting out of the house to be with friends is a positive alternative to "acting out" for him. I check in with him regularly about his SLAA: whether he has plans to go to a meeting this week, how he is doing with it generally, etc. But lately it feels a little weird just hanging out with him, knowing that he is struggling and not doing anything to improve his situation. He is a close friend, and I wonder what else I could be doing to help him. He has family in the area, and lately I have wondered if I should contact them, as well as our other mutual friends, and discuss some kind of formal intervention. That seems like a drastic step, but he just doesn't seem to be able to overcome the addictive drive on his own.

I am sort of at a loss for what to do, so I would really appreciate any ideas or thoughts you'd care to share. Thank you.