Paradox
Enough time has passed by for me to not miss you anymore. Enough time has passed by for me to know we just weren’t right for each other, no matter how much love we might’ve held for the other in the past. That doesn’t mean, I sometimes don’t secretly wish I could celebrate your wins with you, and be there when you need someone to lean on. But as paradoxes go, I won’t be calling, and I know neither will you.
Some days I think I’ve forgiven myself and you, and somedays rage fills me up. Perhaps, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I’ll always care but I’ll always scorn. It doesn’t matter if I never cross your mind or if I disgust you, the version of you I had is mine to keep and mine to distort.
I don’t claim you. A part of me will always be angry to see you doing well without me, while being happy you made it. So maybe, healing isn’t always indifference. Maybe it’s living in these paradoxes. I don’t wish to see my emotions as betrayal anymore, so I hope if this is how I’m destined to feel about you, I settle myself into these choppy waters in peace.