struggling with faith, need help understanding something
First off, sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this question, I created this account solely to ask this. If there is a better place to post this, please let me know!
I'll try to keep it brief, but I am only looking for Christian answers. Respectfully, if you do not believe, please don't respond to this just to say something like, "it's because He's not real." I am looking for real answers to help me with this. Thank you! :)
For some background, I am 17F and I started following God when I was 14. I don't want to sound conceited or arrogant or anything, but I feel like I have always had a direct phoneline to God or something. I feel like every prayer I pray is answered. Even if it's not in the way I want, it's answered for the good of me. I feel like I am so connected to God, and He is so good to me, and always showed up for me, but in a way this is why I'm struggling? I know that doesn't make sense, but let me explain.
About 10 months ago, I prayed and asked God for a boyfriend (Stupid, I know right.) It actually happened a few months later, and he is such a good Christian bf and I love him so much.
A few months ago, probably in May, I started having thoughts about God I never did before. I'm not sure what provoked these thoughts, I just started having them. It started small at first, like "i wonder why God doesn't stop this," or "why does God allow this," and i know the answer of free will, but it still bothered me.
Recently, these thoughts have escalated to the point I cannot talk to God or pray without feeling guilty. Like why did God answer my STUPID prayer about a BOYFRIEND and not the pray of a girl who's being abused in a hole somewhere? I feel guilty for even enjoying the blessings He gives me, knowing people are going through much worse. Why did God answer me but not starving kids?
These thoughts are taking over my life, what do i do?