u/campmoreworryless

I need some real talk, shared experiences, and genuine support. I’m AuDHD so please keep responses kind — negative comments genuinely affect my anxiety for days and I want this to be a safe space to share.
Here’s where I’m at.
I’ve had 5 promotions in 6 years without a college degree, managing chronic illness the whole time. I’ve been the breadwinner for the 10 years I’ve been with my husband. I’m good at what I do and I mostly enjoyed it. But I was driving 50 miles a day while my 4 year old keeps growing up, and it became completely unsustainable — constant chaos, no respect for hours contributed, and a bullying situation with a peer that HR refused to address. My body, my mental health, and my family were paying for it. Literally. Not only am I AuDHD, but I suffer from hEDS, spondylosis, SI Joint Dysfunction, POTS, and am in constant pain. Not little pain. Hard to move pain. 2 surgeries in 4 years pain.
My husband recently got a promotion that doubled his salary. We’re also in a place financially we’ve never been before — paid off all non-mortgage debt, finally have some breathing room after years of hardship including a natural disaster where we almost lost everything, and a long insurance battle we recently won.
We talked about it, a lot and for over a year. He’s fully supportive, not even surprisingly so. He’s amazing, and he’s everything to me. We’ve literally fought any battle in life you can think of, with each others love and support. Devastating things most couples never have to experience. There’s no doubt in my marriage. But I’ve been acting on fight or flight mode for too long. I’ve reached a level of burnout that I’ve never experienced before.
Now, after quitting, the panic is settling in. I know the moneys there, I know we can do it and still save money. But, wow… we could be so well off if I was bringing in that 90k that would basically go straight into savings. So there’s huge guilt. But there’s also the panic. And again, I’m autistic. So my brain is reacting how it knows how. I’m feeling all sorts of ways.
I’m keeping my daughter in daycare 3.5 days a week because she’s a social butterfly and I’m not taking that from her. But I’m not sure where to begin on EVERYTHING else.
What did you do first? What do you wish someone had told you?

Any SAHM around here with 4YO? I just quit my corporate job at 33YO to stay home with my daughter for a year before she starts kindergarten. What do you do in your day? I’m not from RI but was homeschooled growing up so I have a good idea of what to do in our day, just not as familiar with any local programs etc. Keeping my daughter in daycare for 3, 1/2 days because she’s a social butterfly. Looking for affordable options of things to do with her when she’s home.

Editing to add: looking for non-typical suggestions. If there are any programs at certain libraries. I’m not on FB so I’m not a part of any access to mom groups. We frequent local parks and beaches.