u/carnations-in-bloom

This sounds insane initially, but growing up in an unstable environment forced me to develop a heightened sense of awareness. This led me to become hypervigilant and observant since early childhood, constantly gauging others' emotional states.

I started taking Adderall in 2022. Over the years, I've had multiple surreal experiences. At first, I was blissfully unaware this was the beginning of my spiritual awakening. I tend to think logically and always search for a reasonable explanation. I was once ready to calmly dismiss something as a hallucination from sleep deprivation—until, unexpectedly, my cat also acknowledged whatever I saw; this external validation indicated that it wasn't isolated to me. My cat, who always jumps and chases after everything, was frozen, completely still, fixated on what he saw. Shocked, I suddenly questioned everything I had ignored, assuming it was just a side effect.

After recent reflection, I believe there's a correlation between my meds and spiritual attunement, given they essentially amplify my already elevated state of awareness. In this sensitive state I'm more receptive of any surrounding energies. This, along with sharpened vision, allows me to pick up on things that aren't always visible. It feels like I gain this meta-awareness, noticing every fine detail. My intuition also reaches an uncanny level of accuracy.

Curious if this is a shared experience?

I need to know if anyone else finds this as deeply unsettling as I do.

Tbh, it feels like I'm watching someone become fully possessed by their emotions. I've observed these loud displays from my ex on numerous occasions while we were drinking, but also from my own mother during a jealous rage. It all appears highly ego-driven and manipulative.

I feel sick watching it because I feel so aware of the source of the behavior. I'm unsure why it disturbs me so much, but there's something uncanny and surreal about watching people appear to be so enslaved by their emotions and so deeply consumed by jealousy and insecurity, especially when you see the switch from their usual calm, rational, and logical demeanor. Idk, maybe this is a dissociative response on my part.

Looking back at my first job, I endured so much blatant abuse. It makes me a bit sad. Mostly because I already felt so vulnerable and alone at that time, and I had just experienced some heavy trauma. I also already had low self-esteem, which this job made even worse.

I hate self-pity, but what truly upset me was my eagerness and excitement to start working. I always had a strong work ethic, was punctual, and genuinely tried to be a hard worker.

However, my boss was constantly condescending towards me. He'd always get visibly irritated and angry at me for not doing tasks I was never made aware of. I developed anxiety from being torn apart for the smallest things while never being given clear directions, written instructions, proper communication, or any formal training. Any time he had to teach me something so I'd know exactly what he wanted, he appeared irritated. He would often violently grab things out of my hands. Mind you, this was church camp, and I was only 17.

Also, it hurt to watch coworkers get treated with such grace for doing the same things while this anger was reserved for me. One girl was 30 minutes late every single day, yet I was the one who still couldn't escape my boss's mistreatment. Not that I wanted her to experience that, but it left me sad and confused about why I was targeted.

I feel like workplace abuse is severely overlooked.

What's your experience?