aita for not wanting my biological mother at my wedding?
i (female) was adopted when i was a month old. i was taken away for pretty much anything you could think of. born prematurely and with a hole bunch of drugs in my system. both of my parents ( bio father ) we will call adam and ( bio mother) we will call sarah.
adam and sarah were very far in age at my birth adam being 22 sarah being 16. i found out only 18 years later that my mother LIED to my father ab her age. convincing him that she was 21. he didn’t figure out her age until her FATHER SHOWED UP MONTHS LATER. she was already pregnant with me so they tried to make it work and have split custody of me when i was born. ( that obviously didn’t work out) they didn’t have any relationship after my father found out her age and he moved on to his now ex wife who won’t be mentioned in this story again. (she doesn’t have much to do with this) adam, finally got contact with me after 16 years, he was completely sober living with his wife and 3 kids in a house. he didn’t drink. and he completely changed his life around. sarah on the other hand… was missing… i spent months trying to find her and eventually found her on my birthday. i spent weeks learning who she was and her situation. she was married? or not legally married to her husband who we will call greg. she was still using and never attempted to get sober and had been using infront of her children (my two sisters who i had no clue existed) then randomly one day she vanished again. i asked around now having contact with my siblings and found out that this was a normal thing (wtf?) it completely enraged me and sent me into a spiral of emotions, at first i was mad that my younger sister is telling me that sarah, our mother was kinda known for just vanishing and coming back randomly. then months went by. no words. and i struggled thinking what she could be going through. so i went looking for her, and i couldn’t find her anywhere i walked for 6 hours in the rain and the cold trying to find her, checking homeless shelters and even printing out missing posters with rewards ( that i couldn’t afford at all due to my living situation) she ended up appearing at our grandmothers house randomly just like my sister said she would. she said she was done and wasn’t using anymore ( let me remind you that this women didn’t raise me and im not easily manipulated) when she went to the store i took a peak into her room where she was staying. i found drugs. instead of getting mad which i regret every day. i sobbed in her arms for hours asking why she continued hurting us like this. i grew up knowing about my adoption and i constantly blamed myself for being taken away ( as a kid would do being confused ab the situation) i decided to give her another chance on my 19th birthday, she ended up doing drugs infront of me and my boyfriend and my younger sister who is 7. my boyfriend ( now fiancée) recorded everything on his phone and sent it to me too keep. the photos completely horrific, a happy birthday banner with me sitting in the corner and a women completely slumped over while i stare at her crying. it was my first birthday i spent with my biological family. and i regret it deeply. eventually my sadness for her turned into anger. i ended up texting her and telling her i was moving ( i was and have been planning this for years, i told her ab it on my birthday and letting her know that i would be extremely far if i did move) i ended up moving to the other side of the united states. from one bay to the other i was there and gone. with no goodbye i just send a text to her that i was leaving and that it was what i needed. she never replied. almost a month in of living in my new place i get a call from one of my younger sisters saying sarah is claiming i “abandoned” her and her family. i cleared up the situation easily by sending ss of the text messages and explaining my birthday along with the videos of sarah slumped over on drugs. two months go by now and im engaged!!! i am completely ecstatic and i can’t wait for my big day. but… i don’t want another photo where this strange women who looks like me and all of my bridesmaids… slumped over in the corner…. she is my mother at the end of the day and i feel guilty even thinking she won’t see my big day. but i don’t wanna risk my big day being tampered by her addictions. my wedding is in october. i haven’t said anything to her yet. then boom. greg ( her husband) passes away from cancer. extremely sad, he was the best thing that happened to her and he adored her more than anything. he was the father of my siblings so it hit hard. i decided to wait even longer and not say anything. then i get a notification that sarah posted something on facebook. so obviously as any kid would do, i clicked on it, the post ended up being longer than this one already is, and what it seemed to be was a suicide confession saying that she couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to end it all. i sent her a text to check on her, i couldn’t even imagine losing my fiancé so i understand that what she’s going through is completely baffling. she continues to use and in the messages confirmed my suspicions and said “ life is so dark. i wish i could fall asleep and never wake up” to me this was shocking. i never expected my mom to say anything like that especially to one of her children. but bad on me. once again this was confirmed to be another habit that she does and she has always been severely depressed when she loses her significant others ( apparently greg isn’t the first one that passed away) i don’t know how to tell my mom she isn’t allowed without pushing her to the edge… aita for not wanting her there during this tough time? also how should i tell her i don’t want her there… any advice helps