Something my doctor said to me today struck a chord
Sorry in advance for the rant.
I went in for a check-up today, and something my doctor said has been stuck in my head all day, and I need to get it out.
First off, I have diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and suffer from panic attacks, so I have to see my doctor every few months to be able to refill my prescriptions. Naturally, he asked how I’d been doing lately, and I told him I’d been struggling with the usual stress of a dad with two young kids, and also with work/money stress, again, like any normal dad in their mid-thirties. Then, I mentioned that I hadn’t been making my regular biweekly therapy appointments for almost two months because last minute work meetings had just happened to pop up during my scheduled therapy times, and I hated that I’d have to miss another appointment this week because my younger daughter’s kindergarten graduation will be at the same time.
My doctor is probably in his late 50s, and while I appreciate his attempt to make me feel better, his response to me telling him that I’d be skipping therapy to attend my daughter’s graduation seemed pretty crazy to me. He said, “nowadays, us men are made to feel guilty when we can’t attend every little activity our kids have. When I was a kid, my dad made it to things when he could.”
Now, my dad was a thrice-married alcoholic who split when I was 2, and did just enough for me until he could stop paying child support (which I found out later he almost never paid) when I turned 16 and chose not to drive myself to see him. He ended up killing himself when I was 21, and left me with nothing but bad memories, inherited mental illness and alcoholism, and a love for movies and 80s music. That’s pretty much it.
With all of that being said, come hell or high water, I’m going to attend every single event I can for my kids and give them the childhood that I never had. I will show the fuck up for them no matter what.