u/charliebrownismydad

I am a woman, don't take any hair loss related drug but have been a part of this subreddit for a few years. I guess as a way to repent, or to never forget what happened to my brother.

I have a younger brother named Alex, two years younger than me. The kindest person, super smart, best storyteller, and humorous. He was working as an engineer at a company at the time. He is super athletic, loves to work out, doesn't drink or smoke, eats healthy all the time. He took finasteride for less than a year. In my eyes, his hair looked fine but he was self conscious about it a lot and when he saw a hint of a receding hair line, he got prescribed finasteride. After about 5 months in, he would mention to me from time to time that his chest felt heavy and his energy level was starting to become very low. He said he had a lot of anxiety and worries suddenly and would have trouble sleeping or when he slept, he had trouble waking up. He would sleep for 12+ hours often. Then came the brain fog. He told me about the brain fog and how that was preventing him from doing his job well. I didn't take it seriously at first and thought that this was a phase he would get through. But he told me that he would sit down for work and just have trouble functioning or having any thought process for problem solving. He also said that he stopped getting any erections. All of this led to him having even more anxious and depressive thoughts and this became a cycle. We eventually narrowed this down to finasteride and he immediately went off of it but it was difficult for him to feel normal quickly. I remember he couldn't remember the doorcode to his building suddenly. That's how bad his brain fog was. He decided to go on medical leave and stayed with our parents. During this time, he would tell me that he would have suicidal thoughts. We did our best to help him with what he was going through. Therapy, workouts, took him to different hospitals for any blood works, anti depressants very briefly. But maybe God had a different plan for him? On July 23rd of 2021, my mom had left the house for a bit to pick up something from my grandmother and while she was outside, my brother took his life and left us and our lives have never been the same.

I feel incredibly guilty whenever I think about the summer of 2021. He was my absolute best friend. Did I do everything I can? Did I really truly believe him when he told me about having suicidal thoughts? Why didn't I put him in the hospital or something immediately? Why didn't I look into finasteride more? Did I trust him too much that he will come out of this stronger? Would he hate me from heaven?

After what happened with my brother, people around us who were on finasteride all went off of it. I witnessed first hand how dangerous this drug is. I chuckle whenever I hear people say that people who become depressed after taking finasteride already had depressive tendencies. That is not true.

I don't know why I am writing this post. But this weekend is his birthday and my feeling of guilt is overflowing and I need to confess it to someone. I hope everyone in this forum can get healthy and find peace.