u/cheeserexic

I have struggled with trich since I was about 10-11 years old when it first started. I used to pull my eye lashes and moved on to pulling my eyebrows out. I do it when I’m bored, tired, stressed, or basically feel any intense emotion whether positive or negative. I am 22 now and still pulling.

I have had periods where I went with out ripping any hairs out and my longest was almost a whole year without pulling. But the stress of every day life is making recovering impossible at this stage, and as soon as I wake up I start pulling hair out. Then I’ll go back to sleep. Wake up and pull again. I have tried therapy, SSRIs and medication, journaling, but I fear nothing really helps.

When I was an inpatient in the psychiatric ward they had seen me without eyebrows and asked what happened and I explained that I pull them out because it feels good. And because I’ve been doing it to cope with unwanted feelings.

Any who.. I have reached the point where I am so utterly exhausted and tired of trying to cover up and hide this part of me from everyone. It makes me feel extremely self conscious when I put makeup on to hide the fact I have no eyebrows. I think this is why I have held back from so many opportunities in life especially social ones. I just want to shave the remaining 6 hairs left and go bald brows in public, everywhere.

I have already accepted that this is a lifetime thing so I feel like having to stress over putting on cover-up makeup is only going to make me feel worse off. Somehow? Does anyone else understand? My worst fear is being ridiculed and bullied for it but I remember walking in public with shaved eyebrows before and the most I got was curious stares.

I guess I just want a bit of reassurance or support from others who understand. I want to be brave and be able to walk out in public without hiding this part of my life. I feel like I’ll also be sparing myself from being hurt if I ever date and the person realizes I do this... My family still doesn’t understand it either and they tell me just to stop doing it (eye roll). I’m nervous I won’t be seen as attractive this way, but I have had others tell me differently, so maybe I am too hard on myself?