Started a new job and I can't talk to people without overthinking
I just started as an assistant a week ago, my friend resigned from this position and I am taking over after her. We are/I am alone in our own office all day, sometimes my boss is here for an hour or two but other than that it's pretty isolated.
She has friends here at another part of the company with whom we had lunch in the last week, one of the guys is also from my boyfriend's friend group too.
That work group is 99% guys and for years, I couldn't bring myself to talk to men due to trauma. It's gotten alright, but by myself it's difficult as hell.
What's confirmed is that they likely have no problem with me and say hi to me when I walk by, but I haven't been the chattiest.
Last Friday, I had lunch alone because they already had earlier which would have been fine if the head of the HR didn't say "oh I'm sorry we didn't you this time, we forgot I'm sorry:(" which didn't feel genuine to me at all and made me spiral all day, which might be a me problem.
Today I got to lunch earlier than the guys, they then sat at their usual table as I was close to finishing my meal and I wanted to sit at their table and talk with them, but this cramp in my stomach and the future-imagined awkwardness in my head blocked me from doing it. I felt frozen, my head was a mess all around and I wanted to cry. I said hi to them and bon appetit as I left but I almost cried when I sat back in the office.
I am now thinking, if I fucked up, if they think I am weird for not sitting there with them, will her friend gossip to the others and I will be hated and disapprove by the friend group?
(Logically, there is no evidence for that and I tried to do a meditation technique which worked a little suggested by my therapist)
I keep telling myself that tomorrow I will try again, I will have a plan in my head to go down later so I will join them.
I am very open to advice, stories or anything related to these experiences.
I also know that I don't need friends at work to survive but I like to have people that I can talk with and laugh with during that lunch break.