One day down
I’ve been on a slow burn beer bender for months. Nothing too extreme, but enough to keep me lethargic and not truly myself. literally can’t remember the last day I went without having at least 3-4 tall boys of 10% beer. Sometimes spread throughout the day, sometimes all in one sitting after work. I cut out hard alcohol (for the most part) a while ago because it was getting out of control.
Recently I’ve been getting really severe acid reflux. Starting multiple mornings each week throwing up in the shower. Also just generally out of it, being impulsive and saying and doing things I know I shouldn’t. Even when I’m not drunk I feel like there are subtle after effects that keep me from being my authentic self. I feel like I’ve numbed myself for so long I don’t really even remember what I’m like without alcohol. And I don’t think anyone around me knows what I’m like without alcohol. This is the version of me everyone knows, and it’s embarrassing to think about that.
Made the plan Friday that I wouldn’t drink the following day. I’ve made that promise to myself so many times now I didn’t even take myself seriously. Went really hard Friday night, woke up yesterday hungover, and somehow survived a family party with just NA beer. Stayed in bed after the party for about 18 hours. No im up, not hungover, doing some stretching and taking care of things around the house. Hopefully I can keep it up.
Mainly writing this to reflect on my experience.