u/chloeclaypipe

honorable mention: naked lunch. fucking love that movie.

this is maxine, my second baby.

i’ve wanted a second cat for years, and was so ready when i brought her home in march.

within a month, her health had deteriorated. rushed to the vet who told me they suspect late stage FIP. she needed to be hospitalized after not eating for days. i got emergancy vials off of FIP support groups on facebook and gave her injections. after a really rough and expensive week of emergancy visits, vets telling me i should euthanize her, endless hours researching FIP because some vets did not know what the hell is was, learning how to properly give injections, she got better and got to come home.

i saw her personality come through for a week when she was getting FIP treatment. she was vocal and sassy, she loved scratching the post, she loved food more than i ever realized. she let us scratch her belly and seemed to love it. i had trauma bonded with her and was so happy that our lives together would start after her suffering.

last week, i took her to the vet for a checkup on the FIP. my boyfriend had told me she doesn’t like the carrier and we should just carry her back and forth from the car, which is what i did that time. looking back, that is the single greatest regret of my life. i shouldn’t have listened to him, he doesn’t have any cats and doesn’t know how fast and motion sick they can be. i don’t blame him but blame myself for not using common sense, i was so distracted and tired with the FIP that i just didn’t think to keep her in the carrier.

when we came home from the vet visit, she escaped as soon as i opened the car door. she disappeared, we haven’t seen her for over 8 days (today is the 9th). we’ve set up cameras everywhere with food, i’ve spent hours outside every day, i posted on every platform imaginable. i hung up fliers and gave them to local rescues and vets, i left all sorts of smell items and food outside. trust that i have done every single thing. not a single sign of her.

someone referred me to a lady with tracking dogs who can track scents, but she doesn’t seem to want to help. she said the low chance of finding her given the circumstances makes her not want to take my money.

this was when i realized how dire the situation was. she hasn’t had her meds since she disappeared. i have a feeling she crawled somewhere deep to pass. it was hard to accept this possibility last night, but when i did i cried for hours.

i feel so guilty and sorry that she was suffering while with me, and my stupid mistake has led to her being starved and sick, alone outside. please do not leave any mean comments, i’ve thought plenty to myself and will keep blaming myself for what happened. i know i should have been more careful.

i’m so sad for this sweet sweet girl, i will continue to search for her but ive accepted she likely passed. she deserved a better person than me to care for her, and even though our time together was short she will always be so special and i’ll remember her forever.