u/christianonkeys

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 18. I quit cigarettes with vapes at 21. I quit vapes with Zyn at 26.
When I say I was addicted, I would literally sleep with a pouch in my lip, and then can under my pillow.
First I swapped from Zyns to 4mg lozenges from CVS for about a week. They were so unpleasant taste wise that I was ready to go further.

I ordered Recigar online from Europe, it’s a plant derived quit smoking medicine that’s been used there since the 1970s, it’s pending approval in the US. Studies show it is as effective as Chantix but with lower side effects and much, much cheaper.
It blocks the effects of nicotine and temporarily satisfies your receptors.

Day 1-2 I felt fine. Day 3 I had an absolute emotional meltdown, full blown crying in the grocery store. I would lie awake in my bed voices SCREAMING in my head for nicotine. ALL DAY MISERY.

By day 5 i had muscle aches like I couldn’t even believe, I was nodding off during the day. I’m still taking the Recigar as directed, and I can’t imagine the withdrawal being any worse.

day 6-10 it sucked, but it wasn’t absolute HELL like days 3-5.

Around day 7 I stopped taking the Recigar early. I do believe it helped, and even the act of investing in a medication from overseas I think motivated me to give the quit a fair shake. But I had started forgetting to take the doses (which are every 3 hours) and that was a sign I thought.

I’m on day 15 now and I feel like I’m over the hill on it.

I still daydream about the sweet release of nicotine, how it would make my heart beat a little faster and my muscles relax if i could just have a little….

but I haven’t gone out to get some Zyn and I’m just gonna keep taking it one day at a time.

I think somehow i know our relationship wasn’t right. and most nights i feel okay about us being apart. tonight is not one of those nights.
when i close my eyes and start to drift to sleep i roll over to feel your warmth against me, and it’s not there. four years of constant companionship i guess it’s only natural.

i went on a date for the first time since we split. i was kissing this girl and the way she was kissing me wasn’t right. i kept expecting her to kiss down my cheek and neck like you always do. i opened my eyes and it wasn’t you. i apologised and sent her home. and i cried.

i miss your warmth. i miss your laugh.

when i think about you and i never touching again, my core turns to an icicle and my face gets hot.

i know things weren’t right in our relationship. we had almost no common interests and spent less and less time together. but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

i fucking love you K. i didn’t want to fall in love with you but i did. and we lived together for four years and now suddenly i’m in my thirties in a dark empty apartment.

i want you to be happy and i wasn’t making you happy. you weren’t making me happy either.

but i can’t fucking take living without you on nights like tonight. my eyes hurt, my throat is scratchy, and i just want the pain to end.