u/circus_tricksr4us

I’ve had 12 attempts! Day 12 was usually my toughest. Then I failed on day 37 twice in a row (progress pic/reading- I even went to sleep thinking I’d done everything!). So this time around we are definitely checking things off before bed (the tough thing is I’m a night owl so the app will start over before I’m done with my day… so I need to problem solve that somehow).

It’s attempt 13 and I’m locking in! This challenge has already been life-changing. And I LOVE being on the challenge. But I am craving that finish. I know I’ll want to do it again, maybe once a year. But I’ve got to finish! Lucky 13 is the one :)

Y’all are inspiring btw! Thanks for the posts.

I’ve never tried this with an accountability buddy so lmk if you’d be interested!

PS The fun part is I have a strained neck and some kind of foot injury. But I’m always injured somehow bc I’m a circus performer. Last month was so busy, but I can focus on treating the injuries now. PT will be an important part of my workouts 😂

Or a standalone!

They’ve got to be out there. I love fun romantasies and even the mainstream popular ones… but I need a break from making excuses for the authors and just want to sit back and enjoy quality writing. The Bone Shard Daughter but at level 4-5 spice would be a DREAM.

Bonus if there’s limited to no sexual-harassment… it just doesn’t do it for me. MMC saving FMC from an attack makes me wanna gag. Not a fantasy for me- that’s a nightmare. No judgment!

I’ve read all of SJM, most of JLA, most of Zodiac Academy/Ruthless Boys, Fourth Wing, The Black Witch… Sharon Shinn is too tame. Not gonna do the gilded/plated thing or quicksilver.

And I don’t wanna be waiting for the next book that is inevitably rushed and ruins the series 😅

Is this impossible?

Y’all, thanks for being such a positive group. Your stories are inspiring!

I’m feeling low today. I forgot to take my progress pic on Wednesday when a friend attempted (they are in hospital and safe). I thought I did all my tasks. I even had a performance on Saturday- performance weeks are no joke! And I’m in my luteal phase! I was proud of myself. This challenge has helped keep me afloat.

That was Day 17. I had started over after failing Day 37 (forgetting to read) after failing on the previous Day 37 (progress pic) after 5 consecutive previous attempts (5-12 days each). I’ve been doing this since November and only took one significant break between attempts in January. I took 3 weeks off and and regressed. Usually I restart instantly seeing each failure as an opportunity to refine my goals. I became really good at failing and not getting down on myself.

I have seen so many changes and successes:
- I’m employed after 2 years of unemployment.
- I lost the 10 lbs and I’ve kept it off (despite the January blip.)
- I learned how to fuel my body properly
- I don’t crave junk foods the same
- I’ve read 5 books and almost finished my 6th!
- I’ve joined a weightlifting community
- My dog gets regular, structured exercise
- I’m going back to finish my bachelors!

But at this point… I’m tired and down about failing the menial tasks. I think it emphasizes my internal most insecurity of being an adult with ADHD. I wanted so badly to prove to myself I can develop the mental fortitude to complete this challenge.

My biggest fear in continuing is extremism. My mom is an extremist and escaping her constant cycle of fad diets and mental gymnastics was hard. Doing this over and over is extreme. Have I fallen into my own cycles?

I felt that I’d be one of the ones to finish bc the day I heard of this challenge was the day I started and I didn’t look back. I was looking for something and was already making changes.

I didn’t quit on vacations, holidays, birthdays, injuries (throwing out my back, plus regular performer injuries), food poisoning, 3 friends separate suicide attempts. But, just like in other areas of life, it’s the little things that slip by me. 37 days of consistency is something I’ve never done. So I feel like a winner having done it TWICE IN A ROW! But also… damn. Because that totals 74 days.

The optimistic part of me feels I need a new approach- to suss out where I’m going wrong and tune into clearer intentions- asking myself, “Where am I self-sabotaging? Can I get to day 75? Am I pushing myself too hard? Should I keep doing this? Am I too focused on failure and not on the successes I thought were impossible for me? Will a different app or joining an accountability group make a difference? Is it in line with my values to continue? If I take a break will I regress?”

Do you have these same questions? I’m open to advice or thoughts. Can you relate?