u/claireL921

I just need to vent, and i guess this will be long, so do not bother reading if you don't want because it is just a ranting about non interesting daily events.

I hate these moments when people are doing things that make you uncomfortable but just normal things that have no specific characteristics allowing you to explain easily why you are uncomfortable and what can be done to make the situation easier.

I have autism and adhd, I'm high functioning and can usually deal with all the frustrations and little daily things quite easily, mainly by setting alone times to do my things at my pace, walk a lot and be in my zone. I have a job with a lot of interactions with other and a big family that can be a lot when I am on holidays with them, and a few friends that I see on week-end. But once or twice a year I do one of my favorite things in life : a vacation of several days during which I am alone and can choose all my food, organise my time and do things my way, without being asked questions on why I am doing this or having remarks on the way I am doing that, and without constant changes in the program. This year, it's this week. It was supposed to be this week.

Originally, I would just have stayed home but there is a huge heatwave in my country. My apartment is a sauna and I can't sleep. But no problem : I can go to my second favorite place, a little family apartment near the beach, where I have a lot of habits and routines, and where the temperature inside is way better. I have checked just before going : no one wanted to go. I have put the week for me on the family calendar. 6 days of calm and freedom, including 4 complete days from waking up to sleep, 4 perfect days.

On day 1, the 3 hours journey took 8 hours, because of technical issues on the railroad system. 5 hours of waiting in two different stations in very hot weather and noisy crowds. No problem, it happens, I had taken my comfort pack, and I still have the 5 other days. I arrived exhausted and late, but happy to be there.

On day 2, my sister calls me and says that her apartment is a sauna too so her and her partner will come to cool off in the sea and spend the evening and the night, they will be gone the next morning, if I'm okay. I said no problem. It's a family apartment not mine, and she has as much as me a right to come and escape the heat. So I reorganize the meals and my personal program. Then she calls later : eventually they will come later in the evening but will stay longer the next day. Ok, still a lot of alone time during this day, just not a complete day.

It's day 3. In the morning, my sister and her partner explained that they will eventually stay the whole day because, on the evening, some friends are coming to have a drink in a nearby pub. Ok. And the whole day have became the three of us doing our things side by side in the living room/kitchen because we don't want to heat up the bedrooms during the day (no AC) and I can't walk around the room as I usually do a lot when I am alone. And I can't go for a walk because it's an oven outside. I have no possibility of isolation if i want to keep the heat out of my room, I can't listen to my music as I want, and I just can't do a lot of things. Uninteresting TV programs are in the background in this only room.

But wait : now, the friends can not go back by train tonight because it would be too late and so my sister, her partner and the friends will now be in the two bedrooms apartment for the night and the next morning. And now my alone dinner time with a good movie has became a picnic on the beach with some people I barely know, except if I make the choice to say that I don't want to go with them and prefer to stay by my side, and find something to eat because my favorite vegetables are currently being transformed in a pie with other things that weren't in my plan.

So day 4 will be 5 people in there. Maybe they won't stay the whole day. Maybe my sister and her partner will stay or not, they don't know, they like to not plan things ahead. If I'm lucky, I may have day 5 completely alone, before going back home on day 6.

Let's be clear : I know this is not a huge issue. And it's not that my sister is someone who don't care about others,she is just living her life as normal, and do what people usually do. That's the problem : I can't just say that because I came here first, I now decide what people can and can't do, and they don't do things outside of the ordinary. If there was something specific that was a prolem, like a noise for example, I know they would make the effort. I just have the impression that sometimes, being neurodivergent means that you have to choose between pissing people off by making them difficult to live their life, or just accepting the constant frustration. I made the choice of going to the family apartment, so I have to deal with the consequences.

It's just that I had a week. A beautiful week.