u/clauschycap

I have been married with my pilot 7 years now. We have a 2 1/2 YO; he’s is on long hauls since 2024.
I was a lawyer in another life. Had to stop because of a burn out. He was out of a job at that time, so he was there to support me but since the only job he found was abroad, I had to travel back and forth for him while figuring out how to get myself out of depression (and a miscarriage)
Once I got out of that, he made it into his dream airline, and I got pregnant at the same time (very difficult pregnancy, birth, post partum).
To summarize, for years now I have been doing anything I can to help him grow in his dream career. Now I take care of the house, our kid, basically everything.
I am tired. Of not having a life, of nobody accepting me for a job because I had these few years off, and most of all of him coming back from his flights, being very angry because he is tired and being basically a pain in the … for me and lacking patience with our son. He won’t even admit it. Like: « we pilots are tired because of jet lag, you have to understand. And I do sooo much for you when I am home » (meaning staying the nights with our son who sometimes wakes up but less now, doing dishes and dinner. Basic household and fatherhood stuff for me).
I feel like everything I do is not that important, or normal for him. That me being tired is not normal either in his mind (he tells me I am fragile because carrying everything all alone stresses me out and I often have health issues because of that, which I never had before).
Now today he got very angry at my son for waking me up. For no real reason actually.
I don’t know who this man is. Ok I get it jet lag whatever but why do you have to be like that when you are home? You haven’t seen your kid in one week and you snap because he did not comply with what you asked within 10 seconds at 2,5? Wtf?
I tried to talk to his mum about this. The answer was: « he has a difficult job, you have to understand. Try to talk to him, find a job to stop being all about him and if you are not happy divorce. »
Thanks… I would love to have a job but I don’t sleep at night because of our son, I carry all the burn of the house mostly alone, and I am so freaking tired I cannot do anything.
Am I the only one who is thinking why the hell I accepted to go into this, to leave my own life behind and accept this whole situation? Like why are they, just because they are pilots, entitled to be the priority of the whole family??
I know I sound bitter and angry and I should not complain, he has a good job and salary but… I feel so utterly alone.
Anyone else having this problem ?