Husband works for a regional airline. He took the week prior to due date and week after due date off, even though both previous kids were born two weeks early. Don’t know why he chose to do what he did but he did it so now I’m nervous he’ll miss the birth. Anyone dealt with something similar? How did it play out for you?
I’m a little hesitant to post this, but I’m hoping people who actually live the pilot/spouse lifestyle might have some perspective I’m missing.
I’m the husband of a female airline pilot. We’ve been married for many years. I realize I’m probably the reverse of the usual husband-pilot/wife-at-home dynamic here, but I imagine a lot of the issues are similar. (I've read this group is open not just to women married to male pilots so I hope this is not against the rules.)
My wife is very social with the people she flies with and has a lot of male pilot friends. I don’t believe married people can never have opposite-sex friends, but I do think close opposite-sex friendships require appropriate boundaries, and I’m probably more cautious about that than some people.
I should also acknowledge a bias I bring to this. I’ve never been completely comfortable with how easily close relationships can develop in aviation. The job involves a lot of time away from spouses, overnights, hotels, meals and long days with coworkers, and relationships can become close very quickly. Being outside the industry myself, that environment has sometimes been difficult for me to understand and trust.
That said, she’s been flying for many years and I think I’ve generally handled that part of her career pretty well. I don’t question every male pilot she talks to. She has a few male work friends whom I know and am somewhat friends with myself.
But there is one particular friendship just feels different to me. I won't give specific examples in this first post but let's just say it feels like it’s drifting across that fuzzy line between a close coworker friendship and flirting. I do flat out think he is being inappropriate and testing her boundaries. I have yet to see her set any in return.
She has even deleted portions of their conversations. When we talked about the deleted messages, she initially said nothing had been deleted and then acknowledged it when she realized I already knew. (She claims she knew I would be missing the context behind it and would take it the wrong way.)
None of it proves an affair. I don't believe she’s physically cheating on me.. but I also know warning signs of something building when I see them. (or do I?)
She says she thinks of him almost like a little brother, and that she’s something of a mentor to him. She also acknowledged after we talked that some of their exchanges could reasonably be seen as inappropriate even though she says she never perceived them that way.
I don’t want to become that person who monitors their spouse's phone to try feel secure. I know there’s no end to that road—there’s always another app, another conversation at work, or something else I can’t see. That’s verification, not trust, and I don’t want our marriage to work that way.
I also want to own my side of this. I work from home, we’re fairly isolated geographically, and I don’t have much of a social circle of my own. I’m naturally pretty introverted and genuinely don’t want a huge group of friends to maintain, but my wife and her family have consequently become most of my social world. Meanwhile, she has this whole social/professional world that I’m (mostly) not part of. I’m sure that contributes to some insecurity on my side.
Our marriage also has some longstanding issues with affection and connection that we’re trying to work on. I think that’s part of why these friendships can hit me harder than they otherwise might.
I’d really like perspective from people who actually live this lifestyle.
Have any of you struggled with something similar? Where do you draw the line between normal close pilot (or aviation - FA etc) friendships and something that’s becoming too personal? Is this kind of friendship/texting fairly normal to you and something I need more perspective on?
And most importantly, for couples who have struggled with something similar, have you found anything that helped build trust?
I’m genuinely open to hearing that some of this is my own insecurity. I’m equally interested in hearing where other people think reasonable marital boundaries belong. Messaging works as well if you are like me and have a hard time opening up in public.
We’re both saying we want to strengthen our marriage. I’m trying to figure out how to do my part without either ignoring things that genuinely bother me or spending my life looking over my shoulder.
Hi All, im speaking to a guy who fly's corporate private jets and has a similar schedule to any other pilot, multiple days on , multiple days off.
Whats a realistic relationship like, do you find the time away too much, is it hard having a family?
I work for my family but 8-5 pretty much so im struggling to see if it would work, but we're both very interesed in each other.
Im in the UK if that makes any difference if anyone has some advice
My husband has been captain at a regional for roughly 4 months. He chose to commute to his hub and does not want to move to or near his northeast hub. We originally moved when he was a new FO to the city he was assigned and we do really enjoy it here. That being said, the most time we are ever going to have together is about 2 days per week. We usually only get 1 day per week. I HIGHLY doubt he gets a line or back to his original hub where we live any time soon. He says a year or more. I’m holding strong and trying not to complain too much, but when I think about another year or more of this, I want to scream! We are so thankful for his job and know that this is just how it is.
Any tips, tricks, advice, affirmations, tough love? Give it all. 🤷🏼♀️
Edit to clarify: He is on reserve. When I say 1 whole day that’s what I mean. He stays at a crash pad unless he’s called for a trip obviously. He gets home the night that his reserve has ended, has 1 day at home, and then leaves the next morning for his next reserve sequence.
I’m a regional airline pilot and recently built an app called Aerflow.
One feature lets a spouse or partner follow a pilot’s trip through Live Activities on iPhone, so they can easily see delays, arrival progress, and when they’ve landed without constantly texting.
Would this actually make your life easier? If not, what would?
I’d genuinely appreciate any feedback—I’m trying to build something that’s actually useful for pilot families.
I know every relationship is different, I get that. But for me, being married 40 years to a man who is a pilot has sucked. I feel trapped in every sense. Grown kids he has always put before me, us. Always. Everyone and everything. I am currently sitting in my car at midnight crying. He’s at home and does give a crap where I am or how I feel. Our youngest a grown daughter just said horrible things to my face and he never comes to my defense. He is a pure a$$hole. I wasted my life with this pilot who has an ego the size of the universe. So many times I should have left. Now I am much older and feel so trapped. I hate every day every second with this rock I married. Biggest mistake of my life. He has never appreciated me- all just lying words. For anyone here thinking of marrying a pilot- I say don’t. Just don’t. They are a horrible, egotistic, self righteous breed. I am so unhappy I want to die.
I am a pilot (at school training for CFII) with the intention of going to the airlines. My long-distance partner struggles with change and prefers predictable and consistent routines. They have a young child from another relationship, and although custody is evenly split, they regularly feel overwhelmed by the demanding nature of raising a child and look forward to sharing in day to day household tasks with me when I move in after my training is done and I find a CFI job in their town so we can finally close the gap.
I am absolutely in love with this person and committed to this relationship, child and all. I am just worried that the frequent changes imposed by the airline lifestyle will be too much for them/build resentment. The benefits of working for the airlines seem to be maximized when the entire family can be flexible (last-minute tag alongs on trips, celebrating holidays on different days, having back-up support at home if trips get unexpectedly extended, etc.).
I have tried to emphasize to them how much flexibility and adaptation and trust our relationship will need to make this work. They say they are aware and can fully adapt, they just don’t want to feel like a single parent/managing the household themselves. They regularly emphasize that this is their most important request. I told them of course they don’t want to feel that way and I fully understand why - to help with those feelings we can hire a nanny, a regular cleaning service, etc and I encouraged them to find hobbies/part time work so they have things to look forward to while I’m gone. They agreed.
I have lots of hope we can grow through these inevitable career+life changes and checkpoints as a team, just want to be prepared and learn how other aviation families have managed it. Any insight from airline pilot partners would be much appreciated!